Greetings from Rock Bottom

Photo credit: me, obviously

Dear Old Friend,

How are you doing? Judging by your social media presence things are going really well! Your husband is so handsome and while I find his posts about you to be almost embarrassingly sentimental, it must be nice to have a man love you so much he admits it publicly. I can’t imagine! Your baby is beautiful, and growing so fast. I can’t believe she’s already walking all over your gorgeous five-bedroom house in the suburbs! Which is impeccably decorated, of course. You’ve always had great taste.

By the way, congratulations on winning that big case! I saw a little something about it on Facebook, written by your colleague, of course, since you’ve never been one to gloat about your accomplishments. Gosh, it must be so difficult to juggle your impressive career as a high-powered attorney with your incredibly busy and fulfilling personal life. I bet you’re exhausted! Although you never look it. You always look fantastic. You’re even more stunning now than you were in college, and we all know the boys were crazy for you back then.

It’s been a while since we last talked, so I just wanted to touch base, see how you’re doing, and let you know about some updates in my life! Things are…not going well. Haha! Don’t worry, I’m not depressed or anything! Somehow, miraculously, perhaps even foolishly, I’ve been in a great mood lately. It’s just that things are objectively going very, very badly for me.

You know me though! I’m trying, as always, to look on the bright side. For example, I already can’t wait to look back on this period in my life and think, “Wow — that was a real low point!” Have you ever been so down that when you realize you’ve hit rock bottom, you feel only relief? Actually, I guess I’m asking the wrong person! Your life has been a series of peaks with no valleys, which is wonderful and totally deserved, because you are and have always been a truly exceptional person.

How do I know I’ve hit bottom? Well, I guess I don’t — things could get worse! I thought had reached my lowest low on Thursday, after spending four hours sitting at Hertz, waiting for my rental car to arrive while listening to everyone around me complain about having to wait for their rental cars to arrive. It was a miserable situation, but I’m proud of how I handled it. I don’t mean to brag, but I only went to the bathroom to cry once!

I thought that was it: rock bottom. But Friday was worse. I spent all day applying to jobs I’m way overqualified for to no avail while coming down with a particularly nasty sinus infection. I was so desperate I even called my dad! Four times. He didn’t answer.

Anyway, I finally went to CVS to get medicine and — you’ll get a kick out of this — cried while waiting in line at the pharmacy! So dramatic, right? And that was before I spoke to the pharmacist and found out my health insurance was canceled on me without warning, haha! It’s always seemed unfair to me that the only time one has to deal with the pharmacy is when one is too sick to deal with something as horrific as the pharmacy. Although I guess you probably don’t have to — I’m sure your kind, caring husband goes to the pharmacy for you when you’re under the weather! You know what I always say: I’ve never truly been in love, unless you count Nyquil (I do).

Speaking of guys, on Friday night, I ran into my ex. Yes, that ex. I felt that old pang when I saw him, then went over to say hi. We immediately slid back into our same old, comfortable rapport of him criticizing me while I listened silently and held back tears. Anyway, it was good to see him!

Oh it just dawned on me that you’re probably wondering why I’m looking for a job. Well, a few months ago, I decided to quit my stable, creative enough job to focus on my own work. And now I feel it’s safe to say that it did not work out. I took a chance on me and no one else did!

You know, upon reflection, I’d like to amend something I wrote earlier: I am depressed. Now that I’ve listed all of my problems, I am definitely, without a doubt, extremely depressed. LOL.

Anyway, I’m glad things are going so well for you! Give my love to your little one!



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