Quiz: Did You Lose 10 Pounds or Clean Out Your Inbox?


Did you wake up today and suddenly feel like you lost 10 pounds? Perhaps you did — or maybe you just cleaned out your email inbox for the first time in months. It may seem impossible to figure out if you’re experiencing real weight loss or are merely feeling weightless after deleting thousands of emails, but our patented quiz is guaranteed to help you figure out what exactly is making you feel so light.

  1. When you woke up this morning, was one of your arms suddenly missing?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  2. While you were drinking your coffee this morning, did you delete 8,000 emails from the Promotions folder of your Gmail account?
    A) No
    B) Yes
  3. Have you been exercising a lot recently?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  4. Are you on a juice cleanse or some bullshit like that?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  5. Do you remember opening your email, selecting several columns of messages with that little check box and clicking on the button that looks like a trash can within the last 24 hours?
    A) No
    B) Yes
  6. If you did select a column of emails, did you click on the little pop up at the top of your screen that said: “Select all 2,563 conversations in Promotions”, then click on the little trash button?
    A) No
    B) Yes
  7. Do you recall waking up in the middle of the night and eliminating a lot of liquids through your mouth and/or anus for hours and hours and hours?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  8. Are you one of those people who loses like, a ton of weight if you do a few random sprints one day or whatever (eye roll)?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  9. Are you a man? If so, have you been on a diet for between one and four days?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  10. Check your email. Are there fewer emails in your inbox today than there were yesterday?
    A) No
    B) Yes

If you answered mostly A’s:
Congratulations! You lost 10 pounds overnight. I’m not sure how you did it, but good luck keeping all the weight off!

If you answered mostly B’s:
Congratulations! You finally cleaned out your email inbox. I’m pretty sure how you did it, but good luck keeping your folders empty!

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