Why I Stopped Weighing Myself And Started Scrutinizing My Naked Body For 2.5 Hours/Day Instead

If you’re interested in finding out what’s under the towel, talk to me once.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. For years, I’d weigh myself up to three or four times a day, and I’d live by those numbers. How much I weighed in the morning would dictate whether or not I ate breakfast, lunch, or even brunch. Then, one day, I decided I didn’t need to let my weight run my life. In fact, I didn’t need to run at all. I threw out my scale, threw out my other scale, and stopped going to the gym to use their scale. I was a brand new woman. Now, I wake up every morning relaxed in the knowledge that I won’t need to get upset by the numbers I see on the scale. Instead, I stare at my naked body for 2.5 hours each morning to make sure nothing has changed.

I feel so liberated not having any idea how much I weigh. Even when I go to the doctors, I tell them I don’t want to look at the scale. They comply but also ask if I need my Zoloft upped. It’s amazing (the Zoloft). Of course, I do want to make sure I’m not gaining weight, so I have to look very closely at every surface of my body to make sure it’s the same size every single day. And I’ve never felt better.

I’ve told this to a lot of women, and they tell me they also want to stop weighing themselves. I could not support their decision more — this is the happiest I’ve ever been. If you want to stop weighing yourself, all you need to do is get rid of your scale and set aside 150 minutes/day for mirror-staring. Once you’re in front of the mirror, start by looking at your stomach. This is where most excess weight would pile on. Make sure you count the same number of cellulite pores today as you did yesterday. Stare at those red marks long enough to determine if it’s a rash or stretch marks. If it’s a rash, ignore it, and if it’s stretch marks, choose to hate your body today. Then move on to your thighs. Keep your feet together and see if your thighs overlap by the same amount they did yesterday. If your thighs don’t touch get out of here. Next, take a good long look at your upper arms. If you have a crease where your upper arm meets your tits, make sure it’s the same depth it was the day before. If anything is different, stop eating until it’s returned to normal. Voila! And now you don’t need a scale!

My therapist recently asked me if I still struggled with body image issues. Body image issues, I scoffed! How could I possibly have body image issues when I don’t even CARE how much I weigh? I laughed off this question while also noticing that my hands seemed slightly fleshier than they did the day before. Might be time to get back on Adderall. But on a scale? I’m never going there again. Because I’m a mentally healthy, free, happy, body-positive woman.

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