To-Do List For The Adderall I Took This Morning

I’m doing well.

Hey Adderall,

Thanks for stepping in! It’s great to have you onboard the Ginny-train today. There’s a lot of stuff I need to get done, and I know I only have 10mg of you, so I’m going to need you to get to work. Here’s what I’d like you to do:

  1. Be right next to my bed when I wake up. I have very little motivation to get out of bed in the morning without you, so hang near my nightstand. This one is hard because I won’t have the motivation to write this list until I take you.
  2. Make my taxes fun for me. I know this is a tall order, but that’s why I got XR. They’re going to take a while.
  3. Get me to the gym. Like for more than 10 minutes this time.
  4. Definitely don’t let me eat at all today. I’m trusting you on this one, Adderall. That’s half the reason I even invited you.
  5. Help me crank out my screenplay. No, it’s not the one you helped me with last time, it’s a new one. No, I didn’t finish the one from last time- ok, you know what? This isn’t a chance for you to judge me, ok? You have no idea what it’s like without you here.
  6. I’m going to share you with my lover, Addie, and I need you to not impact the functionality of his dick. Can you do that for me? Also can you ask him to text me more often? Do it not as my medication but as my friend.
  7. Assist me in writing a few jokes. Convince me that this is actually something I’m passionate about. You’ve tricked me once (lol remember being a math major), but this time I need you to really make joke-writing fun for me. Make it my passion. I put all my eggs in this basket, and I’m running out of eggs.
  8. Keep me off Facebook for like 14 minutes/time. This will exceed my non-Adderall record by about 13.5 minutes.
  9. Respond to 242 emails in my inbox. If you can’t get through all of them, that’s fine, but do your best.
  10. Twerk.
  11. Play nicely with alcohol, puleeze. Don’t give me that shit about you two having irreconcilable differences.
  12. BZzzzzzijoaf
  13. Go away around 11pm I need to sleep. Geez, I know you’re helpful but you can’t expect me to let you sleep over! We just met! I just don’t have enough stuff to do to hire you long-term. I’ll call you in a month.
  14. Keep editing this list until I say stop.
  15. Do something productive.
  16. Do it for way too long.
  17. mind messy.
  18. bzzzjiofjew
  19. twerk again.

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