QUIZ: Will You Be The First Of Your Friends Down The Aisle? And Will You Be The First To Die?

You’re growing up so fast! I bet you and your closest girlfriends have started talking about the future, and you’re probably wondering who’s going to tie the knot first! Take this quiz to find out if you should be the first one buying a big white dress!! And a black coffin.

This is the closest I’ll ever come to a wedding dress.
  1. Do you have a perfect, adorable long-term (2+ months) boyfriend who loves you so so much?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  2. Did you watch ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ as a child and think extensively about your own wedding dress and how beautiful and ornate it would be?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  3. Do you often walk into oncoming traffic?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  4. Do you and your partner talk about having kids, and dream of the type of amazing parents you’ll be? Can you picture your children on their first day of school?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  5. Are you SO READY to leave city for the suburbs and adopt 3 adorable dogs and have a white picket fence that signals to the world ‘the 1950s didn’t sound so bad to me’?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  6. Are you a smoker?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  7. What’s your favorite movie?
    A) Sleepless in Seattle
    B) The Exorcist
  8. Have you been mentally drafting your wedding registry for years because you ADORE Williams and Sonoma and you know exactly what GORGEOUS silverware will match your dream kitchen?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  9. Do you have a family history of cancer?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  10. Did you like to do play weddings as a 5-year-old, and do you still remember the middle name of every 5-year-old you said ‘I do’ to?
    A) Yes
    B) No
  11. Who’s your favorite Sex and the City Character? And we’re not talking about the movies — obviously!!
    A) Charlotte
    B) Miranda (ew)
    C) Samantha
    D) The Grim Reaper
  12. Did a black cat cross your path last year on the Ides of March?
    A) Yes
    B) No

Congratulations! If you answered ‘yes’ to any of questions 3, 6, 9, and 12, you’ll be the first of your friends to die! I don’t know who’ll be the first to get married, do you think I’m a fucking fortune teller? You’re going to die April 5, 2029.

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