People think I’m particular about how to interact with my Facebook page, but I’m truly, truly not. It’s actually really easy to make me happy on Facebook.
All I want for Christmas is for my 2,309 Facebook friends to READ this post, and FOLLOW these rules for the rest of their lives. Here we go.
- If you comment on a status, you have to like it.
- If you don’t comment on a status, you have to like it.
- If you comment, your comment has to be an extension of the like, such as ‘I like this!’
- Reactions other than likes are acceptable, such as hearts or laughing faces. Please no shock faces; I know my vagina is surprising to some people but I don’t want to hear it from you.
- If you like a post, and then I delete it and re-post it an hour later to optimize for prime posting hours, you have to re-like it when you see it again.
- Just because you ‘faved’ it on Twitter doesn’t mean you don’t have to also like it on Facebook. They’re two different social networks. That’d be like if you don’t feed your child because you “gave him water.”
- If I tag you in a comment asking you to like something, you have to also like that comment and the thing I want you to like.
- If you like someone’s comment on my status, you have to like the original status too.
- Everyone needs to be liking my profile pictures regularly.
- If you see something, like something.
- Just like my posts, ok?
- If you tell me in person that you liked something I posted on Facebook, you better make sure you’ve already liked the post on Facebook.
- Please know that I remember who has liked every single status I’ve ever posted. It’s actually the only thing in my brain right now. There’s no getting around me, motherfuckers.
- Also, like the status about this post, obviously.
Merry Christmas Motherfuckers!!