No, I’m Actually Really Normal

Nothing strange about this.

Hey, I’m really glad I met you guys. Female friendships are so important. Haha, are you all a bunch of weirdos? Because you keep saying that you are. You all love to talk about how weird you are and how you’re so awkward in social situations. It’s so funny when I hear that, because I don’t relate at all. I’m like, actually really normal.

Lol, you’re all really weird? And you think it’s like quirky and cute? Well, maybe being weird is cute and fun, but I wouldn’t know, because I’m not weird at all. Are you trying to bond with me over that awkward situation we just encountered? Truthfully, it would have been way more awkward if I hadn’t been there to smooth the tension and tell the waiter that yes, we did want him to keep all the change because yes, we liked his butt. Otherwise, it would have been so much weirder because you all would have just flirted with him normally and actually that would have been extremely normal, much like me. I’m normal, and cool.

Oh, do you all have social anxiety at parties? So weird — I don’t. Funny how people are different like that. I’m really fine in large groups of people. I usually know how to say something that will make everyone laugh but isn’t quite witty enough to make the men feel threatened. I’m good with names — remember how I remembered Dan’s name and no one else did, except all of you, but you pretended to forget because you thought it would be cute? And then you could say you were the awkward weirdos who don’t remember names? Lol, that’s not me. I remember names, and I’m normal.

Wow, I can tell we’re going to be friends! Not that I’m anything like you, because you all love to talk about how you make every situation super awkward and you never know the right thing to say. I always know the right thing to say, so on that level, we’re very different. Also, I think it’s annoying that you talk all the time about how awkward and weird you are when you’re really very socially competent and have tons of friends, but I’d never say that, because I don’t say awkward things in social situations. No, the reason I think we’re going to be friends is I just make friends really easily, because I’m, like, very normal. You’re trying to get me to agree that I’m also awkward and weird, but no, I’m actually really normal.

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