I grew up in a suburb of Boston. My dad was an accountant, and my mom worked part-time at the VA. Honestly, I had a completely normal childhood. Good grades, soccer team, cute prom date. Then, when I turned 18, I went to college in New York City, and that’s where the trouble started.
I was a starry-eyed college sophomore when I first heard about Tinder. Tinder? Are you sure you don’t mean ‘tender’ or ‘kitten?’ No. They meant Tinder.
I downloaded the app, just out of curiosity. I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I sure did like the idea of meeting a nice guy who would watch Gilmore Girls with me on cold, snowy nights. I uploaded a few pictures — me with a dog, me hiking, me with my best girlfriends, me alone sitting on a dark sidewalk. I was ready to go.
The first few days of swiping were a blur. So many men! I didn’t know how to pick. But then one caught my eye. Tim. Tim Daly. An associate at a company I’d never heard of. Tim was tall and blonde. He had lightning green eyes, like the lightning. And he messaged me first. I drew my breath in sharply as I read: “Sup?”
From there, things really started to spiral. We’d be messaging each other one, two, maybe even three times a day. And then it happened. Tim wanted to get a drink! I was beside myself with excitement. We made plans — a cocktail bar near the company I’d never heard of. Wow. Dating men at obscure financial institutions. What I always thought being an adult was like.
The date was magical. Tim’s eyes were like lightning. Bright, like lightning. He was funny, or at least, his eyes were like lightning. The conversation was perfect. There was a brief lull in the conversation, and I said, “has anyone ever told you your eyes are like-” and then in unison we both said “lightning.” It was magical, like lightning. The evening ended with a kiss and a meaningful, “I’ll text you.”
I got home that night, and I had a rush of energy. I had to google Tim to find more. And that’s when it happened. I typed his name into the search engine, and it popped up. An XoJane article. “It Happened To Me: I Got My Balls Caught In A Blender.” By Tim Daly.
Wow. I was shocked. Time stood still, as if I’d been hit by lightning. I couldn’t believe my Tinder date was an XoJane contributor. How could this have happened to me? I thought back to my junior year of high school, when Marcy Baker passed me the ball in our championship soccer game, and I was technically offsides, but the ref didn’t call it. I scored the game point. How did that innocent, sweet 16-year-old turn into the kind of woman who went on dates with XoJane contributors? But as they always say, it can happen to anyone. Like getting struck by lightning.