8 Business Propositions That Are Actually Just Asking Your Parents For Money

I’m an accomplished business lady. And I peaked in high school.
  1. Start a Patreon page. Patreon is a website that lets people donate money to artists and creators. You might need to have a specific type of art, such as a podcast, (a comedy website like this one), or a coloring book. Once you’ve created your art, you can ask your parents to donate money to your Patreon page as supporters of the arts. If they don’t want to donate, ask if they hate artists and love Trump.
  2. Go to graduate school. This is a great way to get your parents to give you up to $200,000. Unfortunately, you have to spend that money on grad school, which is booooring, but still, it’s a lot of money. For extra cash, ask your parents for textbook money, and then don’t buy textbooks. For additional cash, sell your sperm.
  3. Tell your parents you want to be an Uber driver, ask them to buy you a car, and then don’t become an Uber driver and instead sell the car. This is a great way to turn $8,000 of your parents money into $2,000 for you. NOTE: This won’t work if you don’t know how to drive, because your parents won’t be convinced that you want to be an Uber driver. Please note that author of this post doesn’t know how to drive, which is why the prices for new and used cars might be way off.
  4. Incorporate yourself as a non-profit. If you’re an official non-profit, your parents can give you tax-deductible donations. Geez, with the tax breaks from that your parents will be BEGGING YOU to take their money. Possible non-profit ideas include a food bank or honestly I don’t really know other things about non-profits.
  5. Become your parents’ live-in emotional support. Your parents are stressed out, and maybe they need someone there to listen to them when they get home from a long day at work. You can’t really relate to the working part, but you can be a friendly ear. Charge them $600/week for this service.
  6. Found a start up. This is kinda a no-brainer. If you want to become the next Mark Zuckerberg, your parents will need to shell out some cash for the upfront costs. Possible start up ideas include an app to tell you if your eye makeup is even on both sides WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE THIS FOR FUCKS SAKE.
  7. Airbnb your apartment, except instead of doing it with your apartment, do it with your parents’ apartment. This is a really helpful way to make a passive income off your parents without having to awkwardly interact with them. Just take some pictures of their apartment, put it on Airbnb, and when they ask who the strangers in their apartment are, say, “I don’t know.” Your parents are polite, they won’t want to put anyone out.
  8. Contract a terminal illness. Let your parents know that you only have a few months to live. They’ll probably just give you money without you even asking!

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