Ok, yeah, I see your point. It was kinda sexist of me to suggest that all women are evil. Maybe you think I shouldn’t be so quick to say something negative about an entire gender. But here’s something you have to understand, something that nobody knows. Something that will make you realize you were wrong to judge me so quickly. My mom was really mean to me once. And so, obviously, I have a good reason for hating all women.
It’s really hard for me to even recount this story. I was 8. It was a really cold winter in Beverly Hills. I didn’t do my homework. And my mom told me I couldn’t have dessert. Even though she knew Wednesdays were my favorite dessert day. Even though she knew I waited ALL WEEK just for Wednesday nights to eat a brownie. She sent me to my room. The next day, everything was back to normal and I got dessert. But I never forgot. And since that day, I’ve realized something important: all women are bad.
Now do you see my point? Yes, I hate women, but it’s extremely justified. If your mom had ever been mean to you even one time, you’d hate women too. I bet you got dessert everyday of your childhood, and that’s why you’re a ‘feminist.’ I just don’t think it’s fair for people whose moms were never mean to them to judge me. You really don’t know how hard it is to have your mom be mean to you once.
It’s really impacted me greatly. For example, there’s a woman on my team at work. Do you know how hard it is to be a man who hates women when there’s only one woman on your team? She doesn’t even have anyone to be friends with. Or get, like, manicures with. It’s really so hard for me.
Look, my mom knew what she was doing, ok. She knew that in depriving me of dessert on that fateful Wednesday evening, she’d create a man who could never love or respect women. And she did it anyway. So whose fault is it, really? Me, a CHILD at the time? Or my mom’s, an adult woman who should know better? Don’t blame me for the misogyny in the world. Blame my mom. I blame her for everything, because it’s all her fault.
For the record, I also met a girl once who was bad at math, so of course I have no choice but to assume all women can’t count.