All the Differences I’ve Noticed Between Brooklyn and Manhattan

Spoiler alert: this bitch is headed in the WRONG direction

Not to brag, but for the past three weeks, I’ve been living in the West Village (ahem!). If that sounds glamorous, it’s only because I haven’t mentioned that I’ve been dogsitting and sleeping on a futon.

After seven years of living in Brooklyn, this is the first time I’ve ever spent an extended amount of time in Manhattan, and I’ve discovered something you may not know: Brooklyn and Manhattan are different. After so many years in one place and a few weeks in another, I consider myself an expert on both, so here, without further ado, are some differences I’ve noticed between the two very different boroughs.

1. Manhattan: no one works hard in spin class, not even when Carl’s teaching.
Brooklyn: everyone in spin class is so hardworking and inspiring I’m moved to tears during almost every class, especially when Carl’s teaching and extra especially when Nathalie’s teaching (she makes me want to be a better man).

2. Manhattan: Carl is nice.
Brooklyn: Carl is so mean and I love it.

3. Manhattan: there are more Crunch locations but I don’t like any of them.
Brooklyn: there are several Crunch locations but I only go to one, except for the Wednesday before Thanksgiving when I attend my favorite event of the year: Nathalie’s 90-minute spin class in Park Slope.

4. Manhattan: people talk on the phone at the gym.
Brooklyn: no one would ever dare talk on the phone at the gym, except this one woman in Pilates who obviously commutes in from Manhattan.

5. Manhattan: Pilates doesn’t even hurt.
Brooklyn: I haven’t been able to walk right in three years because I’m always so sore from Pilates.

6. Manhattan: Nathalie doesn’t teach any classes.
Brooklyn: Nathalie teaches a lot of classes, thank God, because I can’t imagine my life without her.

7. Manhattan: I’m the fastest runner on the treadmill.
Brooklyn: I’m tied for fastest runner on the treadmill with this guy who often runs next to me so we can challenge and push each other. (We’ve never spoken, but we both know what’s going on.)

8. Manhattan: the treadmills are in front of the window (weird).
Brooklyn: the treadmills are in front of the mirror (weird).

9. Manhattan: no one even fucking yells in spin class.
Brooklyn: no one ever stops fucking yelling in spin class and I never want them to.

10. Manhattan: the people who work the front desk at the gym don’t even say hi.
Brooklyn: the people who work at the front desk are my friends hi Stephanie.

11. Manhattan: I miss Michelle.
Brooklyn: I miss Michelle even though I go to her class three times a week.

12. Manhattan: no celebs at the gym.
Brooklyn: that guy who plays Chidi on “The Good Place” is in the weight room sometimes and we nod at each other. I saw Adrian Grenier stretching on the mats with a model a few times a year or so ago and like, UGH, I know, but he was beautiful.

13. Manhattan: no one wears padded bike shorts in spin class.
Brooklyn: everyone wears padded bike shorts in spin class (and sometimes outside of it).

14. Manhattan: don’t even get me started on Diesel.
Brooklyn: don’t even get me started on Diesel because I’ll never stop talking about how amazing it is.

15. Manhattan: the gym is over a mile away ugh.
Brooklyn: the gym is only a block away.

16. Manhattan: I don’t go to the gym every day because it’s far away.
Brooklyn: I go to the gym every day because it’s right there.

17. Manhattan: I miss home.
Brooklyn: I don’t miss home because I am home (Crunch Fort Greene).

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