Love, the Eastern Way

Eastern Love

“I’m wearing this ring that Jack gave me and I’ll always wear it, because love is a really cool, powerful, eternal thing and it doesn’t have to be defined the way we in Western culture define it as beginnings and ends.” — Lena Dunham

Maybe you didn’t know this because you’ve never traveled to Asia because you’re uncultured and like, probably poor lol, but love is actually really different in Eastern culture. Yeah, like, the way people in Asia have relationships is really different than the way people in Western culture have relationships because people in the East are actually really different than Westerners like me and, probably, you. They’re ahead of us, literally, because it’s tomorrow there now, I think, although tbh I actually don’t know that much about timezones haha. When you’re born in the Eastern (as we define it) Hemisphere or have studied Buddhism or read the first chapter of The Tao of Pooh you just like, love differently, you know?

So, for those of you who’ve never studied abroad in Japan or gone on a spiritual journey to Nepal or fucking partied in Hong Kong, here are some things you may not know about the way people love in the East (differently).

  • In the East, no one has the boyfriend/girlfriend conversation because love isn’t defined. Everyone is both your boyfriend and your girlfriend, even if you’ve never met them and never will, you know?
  • In the East, people don’t break up. In fact, once you kiss someone, you are with them for eternity, even if you never see them again and are married to someone else lol whoops that was a crazy night.
  • In Eastern culture, there are no beginnings or ends so every relationship is always exactly in the middle. Couples spend all their time sitting on opposite sides of the couch with their feet touching watching TV and have sex 1–3 times a week and are perfectly…content (ugh).
  • In the East, love is really cool.
  • In Eastern culture, I’m still with my ex-boyfriend even though he’s married with kids and we haven’t talked in five years and I honestly never even liked him that much and I have a new boyfriend.
  • So in the East, I, like everyone else, am polyamorous.
  • Which means that in Eastern culture, I, like everyone else, am D.R.A.M.A.
  • In Eastern culture, love is powerful.
  • In the East, if someone gives you a ring, that’s your ring and you have to wear it forever, even if every time you look at it you burst into tears because even though you never broke up because that’s just like, not a thing in your culture, Brad really hurt you.
  • In the East, some people have so many rings they can no longer use their hands in any practical way, but that’s just because they love so much.
  • In Eastern culture, Lena gets to keep the (probably very expensive) ring Jack gave her and if you give her any shit about it, that’s because you’re a close-minded Westerner and you need to evolve. So download a meditation app, read some fortune cookies and learn a little something about love.

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