Chevy Spokesman: Welcome.
Blindfolded Hostage #1: Where are we? What’s going on?
Blindfolded Hostage #2: It’s so cold in here.
Blindfolded Hostage #3: I’ll give you whatever you want, just please let me go.
Spokesman: Thanks for coming.
Hostage #3: We didn’t choose to come here, we don’t even know where we are!
Hostage #1: I’m so scared. Please — tell us what you want.
Spokesman: Today we’re hear to talk about the Chevy Silverado special editions.
Hostage #2: I didn’t do anything wrong. I mean. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.
Hostage #1: Chevy Silverado? Like the car? I don’t understand — where are we?
Hostage #2: I think we’re in a garage…that’s why it’s so cold…
Hostage #3: Oh God, he’s gonna kill us in a garage. We’re all gonna be murdered in a garage. Listen, I’m a very rich man. I’m sure we can negotiate something.
Hostage #2: The floor, it feels like ice…
Spokesman: What’s your first impression?
Hostage #1: First impression of what? Of this? — of this place? Of this situation? You won’t even tell us what’s going on!
Hostage #2: He must mean the Silverado. I’ve heard of it before…it’s a truck…
Hostage #3: You want me to buy a truck? I’ll buy a truck. I’ll buy ten trucks.
Spokesman: Oh — did I say there was only one special edition? I meant three.
[Two trucks roar to life.]
Hostage #2: AHHH!!!
Hostage #3: Oh, God, what was that?!
Spokesman: This is the Silverado Special Ops. And this is the Realtree edition.
Hostage #1: He’s bringing in special ops. Oh my God.
Hostage #3: Please don’t torture me. I know what kind of man I am — I’m weak. Weak and sad and rich. I’ll buy your truck, I’ll buy all three, just let me go, please!
Hostage #2: I can feel their lights on me…they’re…warm…is this death? Is this what death feels like?
Spokesman: Wait, did I say there’s only three special editions? There’s actually five.
[Two more trucks roar to life.]
Hostage #2: OH, GOD, NO!!!
Hostage #3: [sobbing] Just do it. Do it now. Make it quick.
Spokesman: This is the Midnight. And that’s the Rally edition.
Hostage #1: I don’t get it, why give them all the names? What’s the point?
Hostage #2: It’s like…it’s like he reading some sort of script…like maybe…maybe he’s not there at all.
Hostage #1: Oh, he’s there alright. I can hear where his voice is coming from. We could probably all take him if we charged.
Spokesman: Which one’s your favorite?
Hostage #3: He wants us to pick — to pick which one we want to do the job. He wants us to pick our own murder weapon.
Hostage #2: I can’t feel my feet anymore…
Hostage #1: You’re not gonna get away with this, you sick fuck. You wanna kill us? Go ahead. But you’re not gonna get away with this. I don’t care who you work for.
Voiceover: Introducing the Chevy Silverado special editions. How can you choose?