Updated Oscar Categories for 2018

  • Most Convincing Denial of Sexual Assault
  • Least Convincing Denial of Sexual Assault
  • Best Supporting Role AKA Rape Apologist
  • Best Performance By An Otherwise Unknown Artist Who Is Now Famous For Being A Sexual Predator
  • Most Inappropriate Joke About ‘Me Too’
  • The Harvey Weinstein Award For Making The Most Women Watch Them Shower Naked
  • The Matt Lauer Award For Most Buttons Under A Desk
  • Best Animated Explanation Of Why Their Accusers Are Lying
  • Stickiest Cum
  • Best Original Script Of An Apology Facebook Post
  • Most Original Score Even Though They Only Scored By Ignoring Very Obvious Non-verbal Cues
  • Best Costume Forcibly Removed From A Woman
  • Best Soundtrack With Backup Vocals Of A Woman Saying “No” On Repeat
  • The “Daddy” Award For Sleeping With Women Young Enough To Be Your Daughter
  • The Woody Allen Award For Sleeping With Your Daughter
  • Best Actor in A Comedy, Drama, Or Horror Film Taking Place In A Woman’s Trailer While She’s Trying To Do Her Job
  • The Best Picture Award For This Picture:

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