I’m Unfortunately Going To Have To Break Up With You Because I Hate You

I don’t really know how to say this, but I think we may have grown apart. I’m worried that our relationship isn’t working out, and it’s time to end it. Also, I hate you.

It’s not you, it’s me, and the fact that I hate you. I’m just not going to be able to work on myself enough to get to the point where I don’t hate you anymore, so I think it’s time to call it quits.

Sadly, the timing just isn’t going to work out on this one. Also, the sight of your face makes me nauseous.

You were rude to my dog. Who’s rude to a dog?

Wow, we had some great times together. One thing I always liked about hanging out with you is when I got to leave your apartment. Or when you left mine. And then I got to be alone again, which was preferable to being with you by a wide margin. Because I hate you.

Break ups are really hard for me. I never know how to say it nicely. Another thing that’s hard for me is being in a relationship with someone I hate, although I’ve been tolerating it for the last two years.

And then after being rude to my dog, you ask me to write you a recommendation to join a dog-walking app. What kind of person are you?

I’m not really in a place in my life to commit to anyone. Especially not someone I detest, like you.

Maybe we’ll reconnect later in life. I can’t rule it out, but I also can’t say that it’s likely, because I don’t usually switch from hating someone to not hating them.

Can I have my charger back? I never lent it to you, you took it.

I really hope you find someone. Someone to make you as miserable as you’ve made me. And my dog.

My therapist agrees that I should take some time to be single and work on myself. She also agrees that I shouldn’t date men I hate. And, when pressed, she admitted that if she knew you, she’d hate you too.

I’ll always cherish the memories we had together. Like the one time you weren’t rude to my dog. Or last night, when I finally got up the courage to dump you, which I’ve been looking forward to doing for years.

Could you please leave?

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