Texts I’ve Received After First Dates That Made Me Think “I Wish You’d Just Ghosted Me.”
I just don’t really see this going anywhere because I don’t like you.
What’s your venmo handle?
I’m sorry, you remind me too much of my ex who I hated and thought was ugly.
I’m not looking to date right now. I should never have downloaded 8 dating apps and matched with you on all of them.
Do you really think your Tinder pictures are accurate?
What’s your social security number?
Our date was fun but I’m looking for someone a little bit smarter than you.
I think I left my condom up your anus.
We should get coffee again at an indeterminate time in the distant future after I see how my next 8 Bumble dates go
Can you introduce me to your friend Kate?
Can you introduce me to your sister?
Hahah no the date was not fun. She was lame and unattractive and talked about pigeons the whole time. Oh shit — wrong message. That was for my friend Paul. Regarding, uhh, my kid’s nanny. Nice to meet you!
Do you need a dog walker?
Would you be willing to help me study for the LSAT for free?