Innocuous Questions I’ll Find A Way To Interpret As Someone Calling Me Fat

  1. Question: Have you lost weight?

My interpretation: How fat did you think I was before?

2. Question: Are you still dating that guy?

My interpretation: He’s probably dumped you by now, because of your body.

3. Question: Is that shirt new?

My interpretation: It doesn’t fit.

4. Question: Are you going to finish that?

My interpretation: You probably shouldn’t finish that.

5. Question: What time is your flight?

My interpretation: Did you consider buying an extra seat?

6. Question: What’s up?

My interpretation: Your weight.

7. Question: Where’s the bathroom?

My interpretation: You smell like shit. Because you’re farting, because you over-ate.

8. Question: I like your bangs.

My interpretation: I hate your forehead. I’d like to see less of you, since you take up so much space.

9. Question: Do you want fries with that?

My interpretation: You probably want fries with that.

10. Question: Which way is third avenue?

My interpretation: You’re too old to live with your parents. And you’re fat.

11. Question: Can I borrow your charger?

My interpretation: Because your phone isn’t almost out of battery because you definitely didn’t walk here.

12. Question: Hey

My interpretation: Go away, you’re fat.

13. Question: Want to go out sometime?

My interpretation: Your calendar is probably wide open. Wide, like you.

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