Here’s Something I Like (Not that Anyone Asked): This Random Ass Mascara I Got At The Organic Food…

Hi, I’m Mary, and this is my column no one asked for about things I like!

Me looking unsure about something — but definitely not my mascara!

This may surprise regular readers of this column, but I actually haven’t always been such a sophisticated city girl. (JK if you’re a regular reader of this column, you’re either my sister, my boyfriend or Ginny — hi guys! — all of whom know I was raised by a kindly pack of wolves in the arctic tundra.)

Though I’m now an extremely cosmopolitan Brooklynite who knows how to take the subway, I grew up in Berkshire County, Massachusetts or, as New Yorkers call it, The Berkshires, which makes it sound like some sort of fancy resort spa, which is why Manhattanites usually go there anyway. I was born and raised in Pittsfield, a small, rural city which had one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the country during my childhood, not to brag.

When I was 12, my family moved to Williamstown, an even smaller town about 20 minutes north. For such a boring place, Williamstown is an interesting place. It’s home to prestigious Williams College, about 6,000 people, at least 10,000 cows and two active cults. Why am I telling you all of this? Um…ever heard of PAINTING A PICTURE?

Williamstown doesn’t have a grocery store. There’s a Stop & Shop just a few minutes over the line into North Adams (or as residents of the town call it, Nort Aedums). Williamstown does, however, have an organic food coop which shockingly has a website lol. It’s a pretty good store, even though at checkout they always ask the most maddening question I’ve ever heard in my entire life: “Are you a member/owner?” Miraculously, I’ve not only never murdered anyone in this store, but continue to go there and deal with that shit whenever I’m home visiting my dad.

Why would I endure such hardships when I could drive five minutes further to Stop & Shop? Because Wild Oats has really good cheese, and that’s the most important part of grocery shopping. They also have the best gluten-free bread YEAH I HAVE A GLUTEN ALLERGY — WHAT OF IT?

The store also has a toiletries and cosmetics aisle featuring all natural products. If you’re a regular reader of this column (my sister, my boyfriend or Ginny), you know I try to go as organic as possible when it comes to beauty products, so you better believe I check out the cosmetics at Wild Oats, baby!

When I was home a few months ago, I needed new mascara. I’d been using Bare Minerals for a while and it was fine, but I found it went on a little goopy, so I was in the market for something different. The coop only had one option, a brand I’d never heard of called Mineral Fusion. Though it, like all good mascara, wasn’t cheap, I decided to try it and see.

They had a few different options: Lengthening, Waterproof, Lash Curling and Volumizing. I have long eyelashes (to brag), hate removing waterproof makeup and use an eyelash curler, so when it comes to mascara I want VOLUME. So I got the Volumizing Mascara, in case that wasn’t clear.

I bought this Mineral Fusion Volumizing Mascara in Jet, like five different fine cheeses and a loaf of gluten-free bread DON’T JUDGE ME

And guess what? I love it! In fact, I like it so much I apologize for rudely referring to it as some random ass mascara! I think it’s the best mascara I’ve ever used, and I’ve tried them all. OK fine, not all but like, I’ve tried a lot of them. It works even better than all the super fucking toxic ones I’ve used in the past, which are probably responsible for my poor eyesight. Maybe. Hey, it’s possible! (I don’t know if it’s possible.)

The Volumizing Mascara comes in black (my choice), brown and blue, which I find charmingly outdated. Does anyone still use blue mascara? I used it in college, before I discovered plum-colored mascara, which I also used for some reason. This was back in my turquoise eyeliner days, but that’s a different story for a different column, if I’m ever brave enough to tell it.

A closeup for all you pervs

This mascara is so great I might actually become a Wild Oats member/owner JK I WILL NEVER. I will continue to buy it though. It’s nice to know that my little old hometown, which felt so empty in my youth, can still be full of hidden treasures, like mascara and those cults I mentioned earlier. (One is a mysterious boarding school and the other is some Danish thing that gives aid to Africa? I don’t know.)

As always, I’d like to clarify that this is NOT a sponsored post. I received nothing for it and am pretty sure no one gives a flying fuck about what mascara I use, based on the fact that I don’t get nearly enough compliments about my eyes, if you ask me, which you didn’t. Still, if anyone is reading and ever wants to give me literally anything for free, coop mascara or not, I WILL TAKE IT!!!!!!

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. I’ll be back with more unsolicited recommendations soon!

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