Melania Trump Hosts Morning Meeting To Teach Her Adult Stepchildren How To Use Twitter

President Donald Trump’s eldest son liked a tweet promoting a false conspiracy theory that claimed that Lauren Hogg’s older brother, David, had been coached by his father — a former FBI agent — to speak out against President Donald Trump.

Hey @FLOTUS you say that your mission as First Lady is to stop cyber bullying,” 14-year-old Lauren Hogg tweeted Friday. “Well then, don’t you think it would have been smart to have a convo with your step-son @DonaldJTrumpJr before he liked a post about a false conspiracy theory which in turn put a target on my back.” — CNN 2/24/2017

Good morning, children. Remember how my thing is no cyberbullying? It turns out that cyberbullying includes Twitter too. I really had no idea — I picked it because it sounded like the easiest one must like how I became a communications major. Anyway, in lieu of recent events, mommy would like to review the basic rules of Twitter.

First, please don’t like any tweets from terrorists. The number one rule of Melania Trump’s anti-cyberbullying campaign: we don’t retweet with terrorists.

Second, if you absolutely must support theories related to a school shooting, target families whose children aren’t on Twitter. Just a few minutes of research up front can save you an enormous amount of trouble down the line!

Third, I need all photos of your father approved ahead of time in case he looks fat. Your father also wanted me to remind you to please please please continue retweeting him. His retweets are down, and it’s a really put a damper on our sex life. As in, we now have to have sex, sadly for mommy.

Fourth, remember that if you have to like some unsavory tweets, we have secret a family account to do that ok? Handle is @michelleobamatwitterstupid. This is a great account to use if you need to retweet something making fun a child’s appearance or calling Hillary Clinton a bat. Password is 12345.

Finally, cut it with all the ‘stepmom’ stuff. Just say ‘mom’, ok? ‘Stepmom’ makes me sound old. Honestly, you can just call me ‘sister’.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s