Facebook Crises During Which You’d Like To Mark Yourself As Mentally Safe

  • Your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship.
  • Your high school nemesis just got married.
  • 6 people unfollowed you.
  • Your current sexual partner rejected your request to like your Facebook page about your new HILARIOUS new website.
  • Your status got 0 likes.
  • Your status got 1 like.
  • Your status got 2 likes.
  • Your creepy ex-boss who you thought you had blocked messaged you.
  • Your sister’s profile picture is her ‘freeing her nipple.’
  • Any sort of political news item appears on your feed.
  • Your grandmother (who you forgot was on Facebook) likes a status about your sex life.
  • You saw a photo of all your friends having fun without you.
  • Facebook kicks you off for saying ‘men are scum’
  • Men are scum!
  • Facebook stops you from inviting people to like your page because you’re ‘going too fast.’
  • Your profile picture got 0 likes.
  • Your profile picture got 1 like.
  • Your profile picture got 10 likes (hey, it was a professionally-done headshot, ok? That shit deserves hundreds!)
  • Your ex-boyfriend marks himself as safe during a crisis that happens EXTREMELY close to your frenemy Rebecca’s bedroom. What was he doing all the way over there? Gross.
  • Your Facebook account got hacked.
  • You left your Facebook open at your current sexual partner’s house.
  • You typed a man’s name as your status when you meant to type it into the search bar.
  • You went on Facebook.

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