Should I Renew My CitiBike Membership?

New York’s Favorite Way to Humblebrag


If you’re anything like me, spring in New York City means one thing and one thing only: Debating whether or not to renew your annual CitiBike membership until you’ve waited so long that you realize it already auto-renewed!

But what if you’re actually trying to talk yourself into it? Well look no further than this comprehensive guide to…

The Top 10 Reasons to Renew Your CitiBike Membership

  1. Fleeting sense of unearned moral superiority every time you say “oh I biked here.”
  2. Peace of mind that comes with knowing each bike is definitely heavy enough to kill someone if you hit them.
  3. The unique joy that comes with showing up sweaty to everything.
  4. Increased human interaction thanks to the bike helmet that inadvertently hits someone every time you take the subway.
  5. It’s a convenient way to get to the Upper East Side — or at least it would be if there was ever a reason to go to the Upper East Side.
  6. Makes a memorable first impression when you explain that you’re half an hour late because you couldn’t find an open bike dock instead of blaming the MTA.
  7. Relive all the joys of Blockbuster by being charged arbitrary late fees!
  8. The convenience of being able to bike to work, just as soon as you take a train two stops to the nearest docking station.
  9. Each bike features a handy open-sided basket that definitely can’t hold whatever it is you’re carrying.
  10. Despite making you hot, exhausted, smelly, miserable, and regularly endangering your life, biking is still less painful than taking the subway.

Chris Barlow is a writer, podcaster, and bedroom news anchor in New York City.

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