Facebook has lost the trust of many of its users in recent weeks, but all hope is not lost! Organizations often use basic corporate trust-building exercises to teach their employees to have faith in one another, and there’s no reason Facebook and its users can’t repair their relationship the same way. Try these trust-building exercises to feel comfortable with Facebook once more.
Traditionally, this exercise involves one person wearing a blindfold while their partner leads them first in a slow walk and then eventually in a run. To do this exercise with Facebook, we suggest a user wear a blindfold and start slowly clicking around Facebook. Soon, they increase their click-speed, and Facebook earns the user’s trust by never leading them to accidentally like an ex’s profile picture or share Breitbart stories.
In a classic corporate trust lean, one partner falls backward into the other’s arms. It was popularized in the hit movie ‘Mean Girls’. To do this exercise with Facebook, a user scrolls backward through their photos until Facebook freezes on them. Facebook earns the trust of the user by not letting them scroll all the way back to that rare unfortunate time in their life when they had concurrent braces and acne. When you open your eyes and see a lovely photo of you and your mother at the beach, you’ll once again put your trust in Facebook.
Willow In The Wind
This is like the trust lean, except instead of falling backward into one person, you fall backward into 8 people, and they pass you around without letting you fall. To play this game with Facebook, gather 8 friends around. Choose a person you all hate and successively try to guess their Facebook password and login. To regain your trust, Facebook will keep you locked out for a while but eventually let you log on and post a status about how Nancy doesn’t wash her hands after peeing.
Bungee jumping is an activity in which a person leaps into space, trusting a dynamic rope to save them from death. It’s popular on corporate retreats in which all parties have signed waivers that promise no lawsuits in the event of their likely death. To incorporate Facebook into your bungee jumping trust exercise, go bungee jumping, and then take photos and put them on Facebook. Trust the Facebook algorithm to get you at least 6 likes for your bravery. Bonus points if you don’t start seeing ads for bungee jumping on reddit. This means Facebook is being more discerning about what data it sells, and/or they’ve realized no one would ever bungee jump more than once.
This is an exercise in which one person is lead blindfolded to a tree. They hug it and then they are lead away from the tree. They’re then supposed to identify which tree they hugged. It’s weird, because it doesn’t really build trust between two people as much as between a person and a tree, but companies need a way to fill the time on retreats so that their employees don’t start banging each other. To play with Facebook, close your eyes and let Facebook blindly lead you to a baby photo of a man you’ve slept with. Open your eyes, and see if you can figure out who it is. Double credit if the photo is black and white. If you fail this exercise, don’t worry. It’s not Facebook’s fault, it just means you have a type.
The Human Knot
The human knot is an activity in which people hold hands with someone not adjacent to them in a circle, and then they try to untangle themselves. Here, Facebook scrambles up your friends first and last names, and it’s your job to figure out if you still know who anyone is. For an added challenge, play it with birthdays. Can you believe that 15 years ago people knew their siblings’ birthdays by heart? And last names? Marvel at how far apart we are now that Facebook has brought us so close together.
On corporate retreats, this activity involves two people standing a comfortable distance apart and then slowly moving closer together. They’re supposed to tell each other how they feel about the increasing closeness. To play with Facebook, start off by logging into Facebook once an hour. Slowly, over the course of a week, start to log on more and more until you’re checking Facebook every few seconds. Realize that Facebook is the root of all your anxiety. Tell your therapist how anxious this makes you feel, and enjoy your new Klonopin prescription.
Turning Over A New Leaf
Traditionally, this is an exercise in which a team of people stands on a plastic tarp, and they have to turn the tarp over without anyone setting a foot on the ground. In Facebook’s case, turning over a new leaf means Mark Zuckerberg promises and double-pinky swears that he won’t sell your data without you knowing again. You turn over a new leaf by permanently deleting Facebook.
This is one we invented. Here, users give Facebook their data, and Facebook doesn’t sell it to third parties without their permission. If they do, users discuss amongst themselves that Instagram is better anyway without realizing Facebook owns Instagram.