Work Complaints From A Remote “Freelancer”

  • I know exactly what you’re talking about — Jason has been doing the same thing to me! He’s always talking over me in meetings and then my boss gives him credit for my ideas. I’m like first of all, you’re not even qualified for this job and secondly, you’re a potted plant I’ve projected an entire personality onto.
  • Oh my God, that sounds like the time I got home and there was someone else in my cubicle and I was like, “Bad dog! You know you aren’t allowed on my bed.”
  • I don’t get paid.
  • No, totally. My coworkers are ridiculously loud too. Like, my super has been rennovating the apartment next door for weeks and I’m like, “Dude, can you stop banging for like one second? I’m trying to refresh Twitter for the 187th time today.”
  • Ugh that sucks! I’m in meetings all day too. It’s impossible to get anything done when I have to Gchat all my personal friends to discuss my online shopping projects.
  • I’m so lonely.
  • Don’t even get me started on commuting! Some nights, I accidentally leave my computer in my living room so in the morning, I have to walk all the way through the kitchen to get it, then turn right around and commute all the way back to my bed.
  • I haven’t talked to anyone in four days.
  • LOL yes — lunch is the only good part of the day! Actually, a great new lunch spot just opened up near me too. It’s in my kitchen, and their specialty is dipping cold pieces of rotisserie chicken into hummus and eating them while standing up.
  • OK fine, sometimes I do get paid — very little, 6–9 months after completing a project.
  • My boss is insanely demanding too! He called me into his office the other day and told me I need to start “taking more initiative,” whatever that means. I was so annoyed because I’ve told him like 18 times not to call my bathroom his office and also he knows he can’t come in there: it’s a cat-free zone.
  • OK wow — that sounds awful. Honestly, no matter how much I feel like I’m losing my mind due to lack of human contact and poverty and the fact that I’ve started having extremely realistic isolation-induced hallucinations, it’s still way better than working in an office.

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