What Happens If You Request A Stop On The Bus And Don’t Get Off

Anyone can request a stop on the bus. Still, don’t take this responsibility lightly. There could be very serious consequences to requesting a stop on the bus if you’re not planning on exiting, outlined below:

  1. The bus will come to a halt.
  2. The driver will ask why no one’s getting off.
  3. The man behind you will tell everyone it’s because you requested a stop.
  4. The woman sitting next to you will give you a dirty look. You had previously thought she was flirting with you, but you no longer have a chance. She will write you off forever, even though she was probably your soulmate, and also she’s the heir to the Budweiser fortune.
  5. The mother sitting across from you will scream in frustration that the bus had to stop in vain. She’s now 30 seconds late to her mommy-and-me class.
  6. Her child, an 8-month-old, will be so shocked to see his mother upset that he’ll shit his pants. The entire bus will smell like shit because you will also shit your pants with embarrassment. You will try to blame the baby, but everyone will know most of the smell is coming from you. Also, fortune frowns upon those who blame babies for their own shortcomings.
  7. An older man in the back will be on his way to the ER. Yes, he could have called an ambulance, but the bus usually gets him there just in time assuming people are considerate enough to only request a stop when they know for certain they’ll get off. He will have an aneurysm, and he will die.
  8. The dog belonging to the now-dead older man will sniff his owner and decides he smells good enough to eat. He will begin to eat the man. This will ultimately kill the dog, although you won’t know that until the end of your life when God makes a list of all the reasons you’re not getting into Heaven.
  9. A teenage boy will watch the dog eat the man, and he will decide that eating people seems fun too. He will bite into the forearm of Lisa, whom he had just asked to the prom.
  10. Lisa will be upset to discover that the first boy to ever fancy her is a cannibal. She will lose her faith in men and commit herself to a life of loneliness.
  11. Saddened to hear that Lisa has already determined that all men are terrible, you will assure her that there are, in fact, some good men out there.
  12. You will clarify that you obviously didn’t mean yourself, because how could you be a good man and also be the type of inconsiderate jerk who wastes a bus-load of people’s time by requesting a stop when you didn’t plan to get off? Also, you’re still holding out hope for the woman sitting next to you, although she’s already used her free time to engage in intercourse with the man behind you. Yes, it’s public nudity, but also, what was she supposed to do? Waste her time just because you personally showed no consideration for anyone else’s?
  13. Even though you will have clarified you didn’t intend to hit on Lisa, a 16-year-old girl, a cop sitting two rows behind you will accuse you of sexually harassing a minor. You will live with this shame for the rest of your life. You will never love again.
  14. This sadness will drive you to drink, and you will alienate all your family members.
  15. Trump will be elected to a second term. And then a third. And perhaps a fourth.
  16. Your mother will kill herself after you miss Christmas for the ninth time.
  17. You’ll kill yourself as a response to her death.
  18. 60 seconds after stopping, the bus will continue moving.

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