Wildly Varied Reviews of the Laundry Hamper I Might Buy on Amazon

 

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I love this laundry hamper. This laundry hamper is everything I’ve ever dreamed of having in a laundry hamper and more. Not only does it hold my dirty laundry, it inspired me to write a 14 stanza ode on its merits which has been published in Granta and subsequently got me a book deal with Simon and Schuster. The movie will be released in July. The hamper will be voiced by H. Jon Benjamin.

 

Do NOT buy this HAMPER unless you want it to FALL apart INSTANTLY. I bought this laundry hamper ONE week AGO and it has already snapped in HALF. I can’t believe I wasted my hard-earned MONEY on this piece of CRAP. Now I am STUCK with this broken LAUNDRY hamper FOREVER. What am I going to DO? Please SOMEBODY find a WAY to rid me of THIS laundry HAMPER. JEFF BEZOS will not return my CALLS.

 

This laundry hamper fell apart before it even got to my house. I clicked purchase and then suddenly the sound of a splintering laundry hamper, as if projected from a speaker, rang throughout my house. It arrived in large box but when I opened it, it was a pile of tiny broken pieces of straw which blew away in the wind and formed the words “fuck you” in calligraphy.

 

I love this laundry hamper. I refuse to ever use another laundry hamper again. This laundry hamper is going to be the officiant and also a cocktail table at my wedding.

 

Do not buy this laundry hamper if you are not a professional carpenter. I purchased this laundry hamper and it took me 17 years and a brief apprenticeship with Bob Vela to put it together. I still have not figured out how to attach the lid.

 

I love this laundry hamper so much I bought 17 more and replaced all my other furniture with this laundry hamper.

 

I bought this laundry hamper trying to save a little cash, but I should I have bought a more expensive laundry hamper. Then maybe my clothing wouldn’t have turned to liquid and dripped out of the bottom of the hamper, onto my hardwood floors, and through to the foundation of my house, where it pooled, hollowed out the bedrock, and created a sinkhole which swallowed my entire house. You get what you pay for.

 

At first this laundry hamper was fine. It held my clothes great and with it’s bamboo finish, it even looked cute in the corner of my bedroom. The was until this laundry hamper plotted and carried out the murder of my entire family who I miss. I still use it because, hey, who has time to buy a new laundry hamper, but it has a criminal record and it knows what it did.

 

I love this laundry hamper. After I purchased this laundry hamper I Googled “in which state can you legally marry laundry hampers?” The answer was Idaho. We are happily married in Boise.

 

I don’t normally write reviews but I had to write a review for this laundry hamper because it is holding me and my young children hostage until I do.

 

Maybe I just got a lemon but my laundry hamper arrived as a 6 foot 2 man named Anthony. He demanded I let him live in my guest bedroom and will only eat silver dollar pancakes from IHOP. There is no IHOP in my town so I have to drive two towns over to get these pancakes. Would not purchase again.

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