Gift Messages I Wish I Could Write While Buying My Friend Nipple Pillows As A Baby Shower Present But The Company’s Website Keeps Censoring Me

baby holding human finger
Photo by Wayne Evans on

Congratulations on the baby! I got you a little something for those big, beautiful knockers.

So happy for you guys! I hope these soothe your big, beautiful boobies.

I can’t wait to meet your little one! This gift is dedicated to your double D’s.

What a blessing! Here’s something for those giant jugs.

I’m so happy you finally decided to keep it! Here’s to your tremendous tatas.

Whoops! I’m sure you’ll like her though. This gift is for your breasts.

I can’t even write breasts? Are you fucking kidding me?


Boobs are like, a big part of having a baby. Big lol no pun intended.


This is body shaming!

She has nice tits, OK? I wanted to get her something nice for her nice fucking tits.

Do you even KNOW what breast feeding even DOES to the female body? Six months from now, her gorgeous little pink nipples are going to look like Tootsie Rolls that someone (her baby) chewed up and spit out.

I’m just trying to celebrate the female form! What’s wrong with that, you fucking misogynistic assholes?

FUCK THE PATRIARCHY. And congratulations on your beautiful baby.

Dear Susan, congratulations on your forthcoming bundle of joy. This website won’t let me write what I want about nipple pillows lol I’m furious.

I can’t even write nipple pillows?!?!? That’s the name of the fucking product!

FUCK YOU. Not you, Suze, this website. But also…congratulations on getting fucked and making a baby!

Pillows, Mary.

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