Quotes from Romantic Comedies That Unfortunately Apply To My Everyday Life, Everyday.


  • When I’m squished in the subway: “Nobody puts Baby in a corner” – Dirty Dancing
  • When I’m deciding what to eat for lunch: “I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half.” – Bring It On
  • When the cute guy at the bar is not my Tinder date: “I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly” – You’ve Got Mail
  • When I load Twitter: “I wish I knew how to quit you” – Brokeback Mountain
  • When I’m in everyone’s way because I’m texting while walking: “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy” – Notting Hill
  • When I’m reading about our president: “I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.” – 10 Things I Hate About You
  • When people tell me yoga pants aren’t pants: “Can you tell I’m wearing underwear? Cause I totally am.” – 13 Going On 30
  • When I get called out by name in Barre class: “I couldn’t believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn’t know my name” – There’s Something About Mary
  • When I learn Omeprazole will cure my acid reflux forever: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible” – When Harry Met Sally
  • When I choose UberPool over UberX: “I want to do something for humanity” – Clueless
  • When I’m trying to relate to a pigeon: “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird” – The Notebook
  • When I forget my inhaler: “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away” – Hitch
  • When non-comedians suggest funny stories for me to incorporate into my stand up routine: “She doesn’t even go here!” – Mean Girls
  • When I don’t want to ask the guy I’m sleeping with to help me edit my podcast because it seems likely that he’s trying to ghost me, but also the audio software is really confusing: – “Just one person left to call, and I really, really, didn’t want to call him.” – Clueless
  • When I finally have the confidence to get naked right after eating fried Chinese food: “wanton sex goddess” – Bridget Jones Diary
  • When my therapist says she thinks I need Zoloft: “Are you saying I’m some kind of mental person?” – How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
  • When I’m pitching myself in job interviews: “Go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart fat girl” — The Devil Wears Prada
  • When I’m considering flying across the country for a guy I’ve never met: Sleepless in Seattle. All of it. That movie is insane. We need to talk more about this.
  • When I wake up in the morning, every morning: “This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers” – Bridget Jones Diary


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