Who I Pretend To Be While Walking Different Dogs

I’m a dog walker for a living. I also do this, but if I did this for a living, I’d be dead, so I walk and sit dogs. When people stop and talk to me about a dog, I always pretend it’s my dog, mostly because it’s easier than explaining I’m the hired help, but also because when they stop me, I’m in character as that dog’s owner.

We all know that every dog is a new chance to give and receive love and affection, but for me each dog is an exciting opportunity to be a different person. Here are some of the dogs I walk and who I am while caring for each gentle beast.


When I’m with this little angel, I’m a successful woman in her 60s who still looks great. I’m about to retire and my daughter was worried I’d be lonely, so she got me this precious, sweet little Shorkie puppy. She has so much energy — it keeps me young!



I’m a mother of two, and the boys were desperate for a dog. So I adopted this beautiful little Beagle/Brittany Spaniel mix and boy does he run me ragged! Fortunately, I’m about to head to the country home for the summer, so I can just let him out and watch him run circles around the house while I cook, by which I mean chain smoke while staring out the window as a pot of water boils over on the stove.



I’m an elderly man (people have trouble believing this one) and the wife and I got this little terrier years ago, after the kids left for college. When she also left for “college” (that’s what I call Steve), I kept the dog, and he’s been by my side ever since. Good boy.



I just graduated from college and, in my quest to become an adult, I decided to get a dog, but this little Dachshund mix has turned out to be more than I bargained for. She wants to go out like, all the time! She needs so much attention, and I just want to party, which is why, when I take her home to my parents’ house next month, I’m coming back alone. They don’t know that yet but they’ll be OK with it, right?



I’m  the kind of successful single woman in her 30s who’s so hot I decided to get a ridiculous dog to just like, amplify my hotness. (To be honest, I assume this is what people are thinking about me when I’m walking all my dogs, except the part about me being in my 30s.)



Our little Yorkie boy is great with the kids! I don’t have any, but there are a ton of kids in my building, and he’s so sweet with them. My boyfriend and I laugh about it all the time, then I say things like, “if we ever have kids…” and he stops laughing.



I’m a super fucking cool and fun woman in her 30s who shares her life with the cutest, best-behaved, sweetest little Miniature Pinscher mix. My name is Jill and I’m the fucking best. (This is my friend Jill’s dog. She’s the best. So is her dog Spartacus!)



I’m a Julliard-educated musician and minor Instagram model who adopted this gorgeous purebred French Bulldog from a kill shelter, even though that doesn’t make sense. He’s nice and loves affection but you can’t pet him.



You don’t need to have a family to get a Goldendoodle puppy. You can be like me: a serene, young, impossibly hip Brooklynite with a freelance lifestyle and an over-abundance of patience. My beautiful girl is full of energy, which is an interesting counter-balance to my zen vibe. We’ve been doing yoga together to soothe her anxiety. I think it’s working but if you ask, I’ll tell you it’s definitely working.



Daddy got me this fluffy white little Dachshund when I graduated. Isn’t she pretty? She looks like a Disney princess dog! We share a spacious two bedroom apartment in the West Village. Yes, I realize I’m always walking her around Brooklyn but we live in Manhattan, my little princess pup and me.



I’m a 75-year-old woman who lost her husband 10 years ago. Shortly after, I replaced him with my precious boy. I love him and don’t know what I’d do without him, but he gives me hell. I have to do everything for him! I’m spending the final years of my life waiting on my dog Armand hand and foot, meanwhile I spent my golden years waiting on my husband Armand hand and foot. He sure is handsome though, isn’t he?



When I’m with these girls, I am, quite simply, myself. I love them so much words could never express it, so I’ll just leave you to sink into their big, dark eyes and let the deep ocean of love that resides within wash over you.

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