Yelp Reviews For Yelp Reviews

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I’m skeptical to even write a review because this place is such a hidden gem and I want to keep it all to myself.” – Kiley Q, Todaro’s Bros

I have mixed feelings about this review. I’m skeptical about the use of the phrase ‘skeptical to.’ Still, I appreciate that Kiley had the courage to write this review even though she wants to keep Todaro’s Bros all to herself – it shows a remarkable understanding of how businesses work.

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“EVERYTHING was delicious. The paella was perfect. Best pea soup I’ve had in my life. The vegetables were roasted to perfection.” – Michelle D, Heidi’s House By The Side Of The Road

Best pea soup ever? That must be some extremely mediocre pea soup. As my mother always says, the best pea soup is the one you don’t have to eat.

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“being a member for almost 5 years” – Michael C, Tilton Fitness.

Honestly, this review seems like a paradox to me, because I view having to be a member of a gym for five years as a failure on the part of the gym. I’d like a gym that can fix my body and get me the fuck out.

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“I highly recommend Victor for appliance repair. He fixed our washer and dryer and our vintage oven.“ – Tricia M, Repair My Appliance.

Here, it’s clear that the reviewer wants the reader to know that she has a vintage oven #humblebrag. I got Victor to repair my PERFECT pussy.

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Uhhhhm. No!!! Absolutely not!!! It was not at the least bit funny and probably not even interesting! We lost interest relatively fast and were in shock when we saw the worst appetizer ever!” – Ev B, Truffle’s Murder Mystery.

This review really leaves the reader wanting more. What’s the worst appetizer ever? Pea soup?

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“You are greeted warmly and with a smile. It’s a very calming space and you will feel relaxed immediately.” – Eve C, Om Nails And Spa

Eve?!?! How do you know how relaxed I’ll feel!?!?!

 

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