It’s Pride Month and We’re a Brand in 2018, Hunty!

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Yaaaaas, queen. Werk! You are serving us realness, face, and body-ody-ody so we are serving you an exclusive 20% off discount. Prices and participation may vary. Employees of The Brand (“The Brand”), and immediate family members living in the same household of each are not eligible. Void where prohibited by law.
    Category is: Pride Month, and you best believe that all of us at The Brand are gay as hell. Our storefront is vomiting rainbows out onto 5th avenue. If you act now, you can use promo code BEAT4THEGODS at checkout and receive another 15% price reduction. Promo codes cannot be applied to sale items or combined with any other offers or promotions. Many promotions hold a minimum purchase requirement amount for eligibility, okurrrrrr?
    It gets better! Our store employees will vogue if you ask them to. Every last one of them is outfitted with a hand fan that they’ve been instructed to thwroop with loads of sass. Because we get it, you know? We had our summer marketing intern fill us in on RuPaul’s Drag Race, and we’ve got the hang of it now. If you are not 100% gagging on your purchase within 14 days from the purchase date, you may exchange it for another product of equal value. No tea, no shade, no refunds.
    We’ve got stuff for twinks, tops, bears, and silver foxes. For daddies, otters, butches, and bottoms. We will not spend even one minute finding out what or who any of those things are, but All Are Welcome™. Heck, you could even get married if you want to. We do not mind! We accept you and any major credit cards you or your significant other may have in your possession as well as cash, checks, debit/ATM, EBT, and gift cards. Photo identification and approval by a supervisor or manager may be required, and we reserve the right to refuse service at any time for any reason.
    We’re genuinely happy that you’re out of the closet because we’re looking to fill it back up with our merchandise! We want you so bad that we’re messaging you on Grindr. We learned how to do that tongue click thing that famous drag queen, Alyssa Edwards, does and we want to show you. We made a playlist for our customers that’s mostly ABBA, Sam Smith, Madonna and whatever gay songs from Hamilton our team could find. Our intern also advised us that there is a “Troye Sivan” and a “Hayley Kiyoko” who are gay singers too. Great! The views and opinions expressed in the lyrics are those of the performers and do not in any way reflect the official policy or position of The Brand.
    Will LGBT+ Twitter get mad if we use the word “queer?” How much does it cost to get Jonathan from Queer Eye to be our YouTube influencer? We want our online content strategy to be as sickening as the savings.
    We’re so excited to invite ourselves to your fun party. Corporations are people now, and we are gay-for-pay all the livelong day*. For us, this is very much a choice and a phase. Bring it to the runway! Come through, girl!
*Expires: 6/30/18

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