Am I Quirky Yet?

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I am an old soul trapped in a young, hot body. Am I quirky yet?

I adopted a stuffed dog from the trash and I take him on walks every day. His name is Conan O’Barkan. Am I quirky yet?

I only listen to music on gramophones. Am I quirky yet?

I have two auras. Am I quirky yet?

I touched a payphone once. Am I quirky yet?

I understand Westworld. Am I quirky yet?

I set all of my paychecks on fire because numbers make me feel confined. Am I quirky yet?

I have the body of a tiny bird lady and the appetite of The Hulk. Am I quirky yet?

I was born from the lightning strike that occurred when Timothée Chalamet touched a copy of  “The Great Gatsby”. Am I quirky yet?

I only wear underwear that people have died in. Am I quirky yet?

I sleep in a children’s Lightning McQueen bed. Am I quirky yet?

I look hot with glasses and without glasses. Am I quirky yet?

I can only orgasm if a man says “I work in finance”. Am I quirky yet?

I wear vintage clothes, and by vintage, I mean Urban Outfitters. Am I quirky yet?

I appropriate every culture. Am I quirky yet?

I perfectly fit into all of the Myers-Briggs personality types.  Am I quirky yet?

I help mediocre white men reach their full potential.  Am I quirky yet?

I use a carrier pigeon to communicate.  Am I quirky yet?

I eat food for nourishment. Am I quirky yet?

I don’t believe in TV so I stare at a cardboard box with a picture of Lucille Ball taped to it. Am I quirky yet?

I create my own vaccinations by blending a week-old quarter pounder and a David Bowie album together. Am I quirky yet?

I sometimes eat food for pleasure. Am I quirky yet?

I paid to have my face sculpted according to Wes Anderson’s symmetrical standards. Am I quirky yet?

I swallow food, throw it up into a mason jar, and eat it every day at sunset. Am I quirky yet?

I am a free spirit corporate lawyer who doesn’t do pro-bono work because poor people disgust me. Am I quirky yet?

I pretend to care about things that I actually care about in order to love and care about things. Am I quirky yet?

I own a Vespa. I don’t use it, but I have one. Am I quirky yet?

I never work out, but I look like I do. Am I quirky yet?

I care about people. Am I quirky yet?

I’m an independent woman, but I will totally transform myself to fit a man’s needs. Am I quirky yet?

I might be a person or a figment of Cameron Crowe’s imagination. Am I quirky yet?

I’m a feminist when it benefits me. Am I quirky yet?

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