I Identify As Boy-Crazy

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What’s my sexuality, you ask? Well, I don’t really like labels. It’s not that I’m too progressive for them, it’s just that they’re typically used to offend me, like when people call me a “bitch” or “whiny” or “Ginny.” I just find them very limiting, and they don’t do a good job of capturing who I am. Therefore, I’ve chosen not to identify as gay, straight, bi, or purple (am I using that correctly? Are purples the ones getting shot by police?) Anyway, I identify exclusively as boy-crazy.

I don’t know if I’m a girl or a woman. I am 27 but I also don’t go to the dentist and I tried to cook lentils in a blender. It didn’t work, but I am considering a career as a lifestyle blogger. Anyway, I’m at the really challenging part of life where everyone sees me as a woman and has for many years, but I still don’t want any responsibility. Still, one thing I know for sure is that the boys I date are boys and not men, and I am crazy for them, so I can say for sure that I’m boy-crazy.

Is it weird that I might be a woman dating boys? Don’t read too far into it. If I were a man, no one would think anything of it, they’d just be like “that’s what Woody Allen always does!”

I know these boys I date are boys and not men because they too don’t go to the dentist, and none of us have any serious health conditions yet. In a few years — who’s to say? We could be in a completely different position. Maybe I’ll have stabbed one of my lovers and he’ll need a chest tube. Then he’ll be a man, and I’ll be man-crazy. But for now, I identify exclusively boy-crazy. Also, I am a single straight lady. Somebody love me please.

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