I Was A Different Person Back Then

girl holding white rabbit during daytime

“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed by who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.” – Alain De Botton

Oh, wow, it’s so good to see you! You look great. I’m so sorry I used to make fun of your haircut in middle school – it was so long ago! I hope you know I was a different person back then.

Hi, oh, god what a blast from the past! I’m sorry I stood you up in high school – that’s a horrible thing to do. I just want to be clear, that was 10 years ago, and I was a completely different person. That’s not who I am now. I would never stand you up because I’d probably never agree to go out with you in the first place.

Yikes, yes, I do remember plagiarising that paper. But you want to take my diploma away? That seems a little extreme — it was a different person when I did that. I wouldn’t plagiarize a paper now, I’d just pay someone to write it for me.

Yes, I know I stepped in front of the line and cut you off, but I want you to know — that’s who I was yesterday. I got 8 hours of sleep and reinvented myself. I’m not like that anymore.

Yeah, this product is set to launch in a week, and it will put you out of business. But who I am in a week isn’t who I’ll be in two weeks, and in two weeks I’ll know that that was the wrong thing to do, and I’ll apologize profusely but assure you that I’ve learned from my mistakes.

Do I really owe the IRS $20,000? But didn’t they see that I changed my identity? It’s not me — I was a different person back then! Oh, it takes more to change your identity than just a change in Facebook name? Someone should have told me — this one’s on you.

You can’t break up with me. I was a different person two minutes ago when I almost let you get hit by that truck. A different person back then! But I’m still your mother!


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