Typos My Phone Should Have Known To Autocorrect

woman using space gray iphone x

  • ‘Phyco’
    • What my phone did: ‘physical’
    • What I obviously meant: ‘psycho.’ What else could I POSSIBLY have meant by ‘phyco?’ Does anyone know how to spell ‘psycho’ correctly — it’s a 6 letter word with two silent letters. C’mon, iPhone.
  • ‘fiking’
    • What my phone did: ‘viking.’
    • What I obviously meant: ‘fucking.’ Idiot phone, would I have said that Sean was ‘so viking hot?’ Actually, he has red hair – maybe the phone knows that.
  • ‘Omq’
    • What my phone did: ‘On my way!’
    • What I obviously meant: to ‘omg’. Listen  — it took me a while to even get used to my phone putting the exclamation mark at the end of ‘on my way!’ But to take an ‘omq’ and turn it into ‘omg’ instead of ‘on my way’ – that’s insane. The Q and the W are right next to each other!
  • ‘Do you ever feel like we’re too hard on men?’
    • What my phone did: Nothing.
    • What I obviously meant:  ‘Oprah 2020!’ Look, if I slip up and accidentally text a non-PC thought to a friend, it’s my phone’s job to autocorrect it to something a little more palatable.
  • ‘Anasta’
    • What my phone did: Nothing
    • What I obviously meant: ‘anesthesia.’ Literally no one knows how to spell the word ‘anesthesia.’ It’s impossible to spell. Anything in the vicinity of ‘anesthesia’ needs to get autocorrected.
  • ‘I sharted’
    • What my phone did: ‘I shat-farted’
    • What I obviously meant: ‘I heart you.’ If I’m willing to tell a sexual partner that I shat and farted at the same time, it’s my phone’s job to both know that that’s disgusting and should not be sent to them, and also know that I’m in love with them! Although anytime my phone does autocorrect to ‘I heart you,’ the men usually respond, ‘honestly, I’d be less nauseous you’d just told me you shat-farted.’ Weird.
  • ‘Fjojiow’
    • What my phone did: Nothing
    • What I obviously meant: ‘fucking.’ Basically any word that starts with an ‘F’ should be autocorrected to ‘fucking.’
  • ‘Fnnnu’
    • What my phone did: nothing.
    • What I obviously meant: ‘funny.’ Except for words with Ns in them – those should be autocorrected to funny. Mostly on incoming texts – more people should be telling me I’m funny.
  • ‘I’ll be 5 minutes late’
    • What my phone did: Nothing.
    • What I obviously meant: ‘I’ll be 15 minutes late.’ When have I ever been only 5 minutes late? Doesn’t my phone know when I was supposed to arrive from Google Calendar and when I did arrive from Google Maps? Is my phone an idiot?
  • ‘Is there still beer?’
    • What my phone did: Nothing.
    • What I obviously meant: ‘I’m excited to see you!’ Yes, maybe I seemed like I only wanted to go to the party for the free beer, but my phone should know I ACTUALLY wanted to send an endearing text to a close friend.
  • ‘Ben’
    • What my phone did: Nothing.
    • What I obviously meant: ‘Steven.’ Ben was so 3 weeks ago, can’t you keep up, phone?
  • ‘Fuck you mom’
    • What my phone did: Nothing
    • What I obviously meant: ‘Oprah 2020!’ Ok, yes, my phone should know that I should not be cursing at my mother.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s