Melania’s Most Recent Orgasms

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The Orgasm had at the thought of making love to the lazy-eyed janitor in a closet at Barron’s school while she steps out of a PTA meeting, to “use the restroom.”

The Orgasm had at the idea of living in a small sailboat that bobs around the Croatian waters until the end of time; having passionate sex on said sailboat during a tempestuous hailstorm with a toothless villager named Jakob.

The Orgasm had at the thought of  being bound, gagged, and violently diddled by Michelle Obama on the Oval Office desk while being forced to read her plagiarized UN speech out loud over and over until Michelle reaches climax.

The Orgasm had at the thought of getting tag-teamed by Emanuel and Brigitte Macron on a dive bar pool table.

The Orgasm had at the thought of perfect, stupid, gorgeous Ivanka being scrutinized and exploited by tabloids and paparazzi for bikini cellulite and also acute clinical depression.

The Orgasm had at the thought of getting sensually gang banged by her secret service team on the lap of the Abe Lincoln statue, while Mike Pence is forced to watch.

The Orgasm had at the thought of dry humping  Vladimir Putin’s horse saddle while riding the famed stallion in the nude through a devastating Siberian mountain rage, all the while screaming, “I am freeeeeee,” in her native tongue.

The Orgasm at the thought of the color orange getting deleted from the rainbow and visible color spectrum.

The Orgasm at the thought of Donald falling out of the Air Force One Jet and getting sentenced to live in a rain cloud.

The Orgasm at the thought of Donald choking on a KFC popcorn chicken bite and suffocating to death in a D.C. parking lot.

The Orgasm at the thought of Donald pissing himself on the White House steps, tripping on his own puddle of urine, and subsequently dying on the spot.

The Orgasm at the thought of the White House on fire, the people of D.C. devastated at the blaze, as she walks down the Washington Mall in the nude holding a bejeweled gasoline tank and a 7/11 lighter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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