Hi, hi, hi. Did you see the email I just sent? About the text I sent confirming that you got my email?
Because the email was pretty important — it’s critical that you take a look at it. That’s why I also DMed you on Twitter, just to check in about the text confirming the receipt of the email?
Oh, great, you did get that email? That’s perfect, because now you know to look out for another email about a Calendar invite. Did you get that email too? It was actually sent after the email confirming that you received it, just because I figured there’d be a slight lag time since you’d have to also check your phone and Instagram accounts.
Did you see the message from the carrier pigeon? I know I could have sent an email instead, I just felt awkward sending, like, two emails. I mean, how pushy do I want to get?
But you did receive the message from the carrier pigeon? Good, because PETA is after me for strapping that thing to the top of a taxi cab. But how else was it supposed to know where to go?
So since you got that message, you know that I just needed to confirm that you received the gift basket I sent you on Tuesday. Did you open the card? I wanted to thank you for all your hard work, but also I wanted to remind you to check your Instagram DMs because I slid in there just asking you if you got the email I sent.
Actually, I’m so tired of all this back-and-forth. I’ll just swing by your house around 1am tonight and we can discuss in person.