Kompromat Putin Would Need For Me To Invite Him To Washington

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Trump’s behavior with Vladimir Putin in the last week begged the obvious question: what does Putin know about Trump that Trump doesn’t want us to know? In Russian, the term “kompromat” describes damaging information that officials keep for blackmailing (v telling that there’s a single Russian word for this). It’s got me thinking — what sort of kompromat would Putin have to have about me to get me to act like Trump?

  • A tape of me peeing on an animal IT WAS BY ACCIDENT I WAS CAMPING.
  • A full list of books I’ve actually finished reading compared to books I said I finished reading.
  • Proof that I murdered my brother, who is still alive.
  • The number of times I daily check the FB of that guy I slept with 3 years ago.
  • Evidence to suggest I’m not a natural blonde.
  • Timestamps of all my farts.
  • Timestamps of tweets I deleted because they didn’t get enough likes.
  • Really anything I’ve ever done on Instagram.
  • Proof that I cheated on the 3rd grade spelling bee.
  • A list of midterm elections I didn’t vote in.
  • My weight.

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