I am writing to report that you gave me quite the chuckle with that last letter! I chortled gleefully and heartily. So much so that my wife heard my hee-haw all the way from the parlor!
The moment I put down this quill, I will continue my expedition westward. The journey will be long and strenuous, but if all goes to plan I will be in your earnest by summer!
I regret to inform you that my correspondence with you will be coming to a close. The cause was nothing in particular that you wrote, but I feel as though my letters are not being received in the way I intend. Goodbye.
Do you write your mother with that quill? I am confused, inflamed and flabbergasted by the contents of your tidings. Next time you have the urge to send such rubbish, seal it up, take it out back, and leave it where the donkeys rest!
My apologies, but my last letter failed to incorporate all that I wished to disclose. I would have included the remainder in this letter, but I feared I would catch you off guard with two letters in the same month. Keep an eye out for the post carrier!
Woopsie-daisy, my good man, but it seems you have reached out to the wrong scholar. I’m sorry I’ve wasted your postage, but perhaps you can write to your local university or clergyman. Or Carl!
Hail Mary! Full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary! Mother of god pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death! Amen.