Sound the alarm! Satire is dead.
Satire died of a fatal overdose at 11:59pm. The autopsy results show it died intoxicated on power because a Reductress article had just reached 12 million retweets. Doctors suspect it was involuntary — someone poisoned Satire.
Early signs of Satire’s death include Al Franken running for congress and Jon Stewart leaving the Daily Show.
Some thought Satire was dead when Sean Spicer began to mimic ‘Animal Farm’, but it wasn’t dead then, it was just in surgery. Satire came out alive, only to fall fatally ill a few months later.
Who killed Satire? Some say it was Trump. Others say it was the PC-police. Many think it was James Comey, taking down Satire and the Clinton campaign in one fell swoop. All are wrong – I killed it.
I killed Satire to make room for other witty forms — irony, sarcasm, parody, and coincidence.
Does anyone know the difference between irony, sarcasm and coincidence? Bonus points if you also know that Satire and parody are the same thing.
English students around the country will be holding a vigil to celebrate the death of Satire. They will honor its memory by explaining that it’s both FUNNY and SMART to the Engineering students.
Satire will be buried alive in the old Upright Citizens Brigade under the Gristedes. Not because the UCB performers satirists, but because now no one is using that basement. All are invited, but please only come if you consider yourself a successful satirist (aka a published humor writer or a man).
The Satire subreddit will be holding an open wake in which anyone can post their favorite memories of Satire for 24 hours without fear of being banned. Please no Onion articles — there’s a separate subreddit for that.
In its will, Satire left all its contents to “humor.” Humor is still alive and well, although no one appreciates it anymore. Humor will take over all of Satire’s twitter accounts, so expect it to have at least 14 new followers.
RIP Satire. You made us proud to know you.