Things I’ve Given Up Just To Feel Superior

woman holding book
Photo by Dzenina Lukac on
  1. Gluten
    I have a(n unconfirmed) gluten allergy so this one’s legit.
  2. Alcohol
    I never have more than three or four drinks a week but I’ve done Dry January five times.
  3. Sugar
    Have you heard it’s as addictive as heroin?
  4. Food
    I’ve done two juice cleanses and don’t you dare forget it.
  5. Coffee
    While on a three day juice cleanse, I didn’t drink coffee. I felt amazing except for the fact I had a debilitating headache for three days.
  6. TV
    Once I got very busy and didn’t watch TV for a few days and told everyone I know.
  7. Dairy
    I did the Whole 30 once and completed the entire thing although I still ate beans and let myself drink once or twice a week and didn’t really follow the guidelines but the point is I ate really healthy for a month once.
  8. Dyeing my hair
    This was easy to give up since I’ve never done it. TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

  9. Reading
    I never read internet comments on my work which is actually really easy because no one comments on my work. I read A LOT of books though.
  10. Social Media
    A few Saturdays ago, I only checked Twitter five times.
  11. Bathing
    This may sound gross but smelling bad is just the sacrifice I’m willing to make to save the environment.

  12. Smoking
    I never smoked but when I’m around smokers I tell them I used to just to feel smug.

  13. Grains
    I did the Whole 30 once. Have I mentioned that?

  14. Porn
    To be honest, I didn’t give up porn because I’ve never watched it. Superiority comes naturally to me.
  15. The Kardashians
    I watched the season premiere Sunday night but didn’t finish it. OK fine, I did finish it but if anyone asks I’ve given up caring about the Kardashians except Kourtney and Khloe and Kim sometimes and I also like Kendall and find Kylie completely fascinating.

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