I’m a new father, congratulations to me! Well, my Daughter is 8, but I’m new to paying attention to her. And let me tell you – my Daughter is really something! She can talk and everything – who knew 8-year-olds could do that? There’s just nothing I’d hate more than to see something happen to her, like getting aborted. Because of my love for my Daughter, I’ve decided that I’m pro-life.
I used to support a woman’s right to choose. Just as long as they chose me! I’m joking, no one ever did. Except Delia, my Daughter’s mother. Delia chose me one night, and that’s when she got knocked up with my Daughter. I begged Delia to get it aborted (my Daughter was an ‘it’ at the time because I’m progressive and don’t believe in using gendered pronouns for a fetus). I had no money and didn’t want any responsibility. And I still don’t, because I’m a man who sticks to my guns! Delia kept saying crazy things like “it’s my body, my choice,” and “I can support our child financially because you are a degenerate.” She promised she wouldn’t sue me for child support, so I stopped sending threatening letters to her house. It’s her body, after all, she should decide what she does with it just as long as I have no financial responsibility. Delia went through with it, and she had our Daughter. And that was when everything changed.
Let me ask you this: if you support a woman’s right to choose to abort her own child, do you support a woman’s right to choose to abort my 8-year-old? I don’t want to hear your bullshit arguments about how “abortions don’t apply to children who’ve already been born” and “nobody is making anybody get an abortion.” All I want is for you to admit that you can’t really be a loving and kind parent to a child AND support a woman’s right to choose! If you knew my Daughter — whose name I know will come to me very soon — you wouldn’t want her aborted either. As a father to a Daughter, I simply cannot be pro-choice because all I think about is how someone out there is going to abort my little girl!
I love my Daughter so much, I really do. I love the way she giggles when I tickle her, the way she plays, like, sport, and mostly the way she seems to excel in areas like math and science that predict a high income later in life, ideally high enough to support her father financially. She’s amazing, so it kills me to hear about liberals who think they should be allowed to abort my child!
For anyone out there who’s still pro-choice, I just have one request. Come to my house. Meet my Daughter. See for yourself what an amazing kid she is. Don’t tell her mother I let her meet strangers. But ask yourself – do you really want to fight for the right for some random doctor to kill her? She’s my Daughter, and I should be the one to get to kill her when the time comes.
Shit, you’re pregnant?? No, we have to get rid of it.