An Excerpt from “In Hot Water? That’s Right Where You Want To Be!”

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My sous vide machine changed my life and I want the same for you. You see, it’s not just an electronic device that heats water to an exact temperature for precise cooking – it’s a magical water wand that will fulfill every vision board you’ve ever made. Don’t believe me? Here’s a teaser for my new book, “In Hot Water? That’s Right Where You Want to Be!”

Changing people’s minds

In teaching my co-workers how to sous vide, I found that people really just want to be pushed and challenged. For example, there were a lot of people in my office who said they didn’t eat meat. I knew right away that this was because they’d never had sous vide meat before. “Yes, you can cook vegetables with sous vide,” I’d tell them before they asked, and then I’d cook them veggies in beef stock served with a marrow sauce. Before long, they would be eating the wild game I cooked and left artfully arranged on their keyboards. Sure, they told me to “stop it” and to “screw off,” but my dad used to say those things to me all the time too and I know he loved me. Besides, the food was always gone when I checked their cubicles – they definitely loved it.

Making friends the sous vide way

My co-workers used to mostly keep to themselves. I’d try talking to them about my research on flat earth theories or my pranking exploits for YouTube, but they didn’t seem interested. They couldn’t see the big flat world outside of their little bubbles. Eventually, with the help of the sous vide machine, I realized that this lack of spark was my fault, not theirs. I simply wasn’t fully invested in those topics. In fact, I didn’t even know what true investment was until I started cooking my food in vacuum-sealed Ziploc bags and precisely-heated water. After this epiphany, I started bringing my water bath setup into coworkers’ offices and performing full-length musicals I’d written for the sous vide to star in (e.g. “So Sous Me” – a rollicking ride through the heady 1790s when pressure and sous vide cooking burst onto the scene). I’d play the sous vide siren gurgle from my cubicle and wait for them to come to me. Like fathers who want to connect with their sons, but only know how to grumble about “damn lazy ass computer addictions,” my co-workers would show up at my cubicle and try bonding with me. They’d say stuff like, “You can’t have that thing in here,” or “What the hell are you doing?” I knew this all meant “I love you” and “teach me the sous vide way.” So I did!

Making lifelong friends the sous vide way

Lifelong friends are the ones who always tell you the truth and change you as much as you change them. This is exactly how I would describe Jacob and Viv from my old work. They knew how important the sous vide was to me, so they took a page out of my sneaky pranking book and lit a hot water bath of inspiration under my ass. They pretended to hate the sous vide with such a passion that I began to doubt my abilities as a sous vide disciple. Realizing that their plan might backfire, they re-framed the discussion around my “fitness” for the office, which was code I immediately deciphered to mean “we love you; we want the best for you; we want to set you free.” I was so quick with this interpretation because that was exactly how my mom explained one of my dad’s tirades about my lack of “fitness” and how I should “go to fat camp or something.” So, when they questioned my fitness, their plan clicked in and I knew what I needed to do: start my own social media empire as a sous vide lifestyle coach and author! And Jacob and Viv? They’re still playing their part to keep me motivated. They have a restraining order out on me, which fuels me every day! J and V – love you guys!!

For more ideas like these, download “In Hot Water? That’s Right Where You Want to Be!” Also, check out my other titles, “A Boy Named Sous (Vide): Songs for My Father,” “Turn Your Sous Vide Gurgle into Priceless Giggles: A Family Therapy Manual,” and “Sous and her Law Sous-t” (a book of “sous” wordplay for children).

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