Every decade, there’s a big trend for women — and when I say big, I mean it literally. In the 80s, it was big hair, in the 90s big boobs, in the 00s big butts and this decade it’s big lips. In each of these cases, the bigger the particular body part, the better. And while it’s arguable that these trends carry over (big titties, after all, are timeless), the importance of each is eclipsed by whatever fad comes next. For example, while a big ass is still desirable these days, big lips are undoubtably the more of-the-moment look.
Since this decade is nearing its end (scary but true!), I’ve been thinking about which feature will rise and swell and bloat to become the next BIG thing. The following are what I’ve determined to be the front-runners.
While I recognize this one’s a long shot, wouldn’t it be cool if it were suddenly considered attractive for a woman to have a thick, meaty neck? Think the Rock, but with smaller hands.
Thanks to Beyoncé (and many other gorgeous, famous women but mostly Beyoncé), thicc thighs are more conventionally attractive than ever. As the owner of a pair, however, I can assure you they’ve yet to reach big ass-levels of desirability. If you don’t believe me, look at Kim Kardashian, a surgically-created collection of all the most desirable female traits. She has big hair (depending on her wig), big boobs, a big butt, big lips — and skinny little legs. Once the tops of her legs start to bulk up, we’ll know thicc thighs are the next big thing.
Another long shot, this is perhaps the most personal contender for me. Many years ago while trying on ski boots, the male salesman said, “You have kind of big calves.” I wanted to hit him in the head and yell, ‘YEAH I KNOW. They’re big because I’ve spent my whole life skiing, you dumbass!” Years later, I’ve come to accept my thicc trunks, but the world has yet to catch up to me, so here’s hoping this decade’s increasing big thigh positivity not only grows, but extends all the way down the leg.
While big, innocent eyes have always been a conventionally attractive female trait, I suspect next decade will be all about eyes so big they’re part nose. I’m talking about giant ass pupils, irises the size of the synonymous flowers, whites so big you could project a movie onto them. I wouldn’t be surprised if doctors started surgically removing eyelids, leaving windows so big anyone can see straight into your soul. What’s sexier, after all, than a vulnerable/terrified looking woman?
Though thicc calves and thighs would be personally beneficial, I’m hoping next decade’s hot trend is a big personality! Imagine if the most desirable trait in a woman were a singular collection of thoughts and opinions, an inner light that could not be dimmed, a force from within that had nothing to do with one’s exterior. LOL yeah right, honey! If you’re not bland enough for a man to be able to project whatever vague personality he desires onto you, you’ll never be that hot!
It’s probably going to be big eyes.