Pod Save America If The Only News Was That a Dog Had Octuplets

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Jon: Welcome to Pod Save America!

Jon With The Sexy Voice: On the pod today we have guest and friend of the pod, The Token Female

Tommy: So let’s get into it– Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced at her press conference that a puppy in New Mexico gave birth to Octuplets. Dan, what do you make of this?

Dan: Well, Tommy, don’t forget to buy our T-Shirts.

Jon: I have a question — when should we expect tweets on this?

Tommy: Ah, yes, the tweets! Trump has been oddly silent on this issue, don’t you think?

Dan: Let’s ask The Token Female what she thinks, since, after all, this is a women’s issue.

The Token Female: Thanks for asking me. I can only imagine Trump will use this awful display of the “miracle of life” to bolster his Supreme Court nominee.

Jon With The Sexy Voice: Just when you think things can’t get any worse — and we’ve been saying that for years — Trump is going to tweet our pictures of little puppies to advance his anti-abortion agenda.

The Token Female: If I had to guess, I’d say that’s definitely going to happen. But it hasn’t happened yet, weirdly enough. There’ve been no tweets all morning, and, actually no other news at all.

Dan: Just like Trump to let literally nothing happen in the United States of America except a puppy birth.

Jon: This is what the Republicans want.

Jon With The Sexy Voice: Tommy, should we tell a buddy story about a road trip we all took 8 years ago before we move on?

Tommy: We sure will! And I’d just like to remind everyone that this dog is technically a bitch. The Token Female, why don’t you tell our listeners what that word means to you.

The Token Female: Well, Tommy, in the context of a fertile female dog, not much.

Jon With The Sexy Voice: Does anyone even know how old this dog was when she delivered?

Tommy: The Token Female, can we get into the significance of this puppy living in New Mexico? Is there some sort of connection to be drawn between Trump’s immigration policies and the Mexico part of New Mexico?

The Token Female: Well, Tommy, unfortunately, I’m only qualified to speak about women’s issues like puppies and birth. You’re going to need to talk to your Token Non-White Guest.

Jon With The Sexy Voice: Ah, yes, and let me ask you something, Tommy — if the Token Non-White Guest and I went out to get beers after the podcast, what would happen if we both only had cards?

Tommy: I’m so glad you asked, Jon With The Sexy Voice! This happened just the other day, but fortunately, I downloaded the cash app. The cash app is the best way to share the bill as well as pictures of 8 baby puppies.

Jon: Let me just get a Token Fat Joke in before this ad ends-

Dan: You can share photos on the cash app?

Tommy: No, I’m just trying to work this into-

Jon: You know where you can share photos? Zip Recruiter. Just as long as those photos are of the person you’re trying to hire.

Jon With The Sexy Voice: I really feel like we haven’t fully dug into this puppy octuplet situation. I mean, I hate that our media focuses on these unimportant issues but literally nothing else happened today. Did you see the New York Times this morning?

Dan: No, what was on it?

Jon With The Sexy Voice: It was just one page. And that one page was just a photo of the puppies.

Jon With The Sexy Voice holds up a photo of the puppies.

Everyone: Awwwww.

Dan: The Token Female, how should Democrats respond to this picture?

The Token Female: If it were me, I’d tape it to my fridge.

Tommy: Well – there you have it. Let’s take a break, and when we get back — how to let your Congressperson know that you want MORE octuplet puppies.

 

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