How To Recover Emotionally From The New Gmail Format

 

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I, like many of you, woke up yesterday morning startled and terrified by the new Gmail layout. Everything was different – the font was bigger, you could see attachments hanging below the email like a ball-sack, and emails now self-destruct? I might as well self-destruct myself! Here are some tips for getting over the rug-pulled-from-under-you ass-whipping that is the new Gmail format.

  1. Realize that change is good. You sit in front of your computer all day waiting for one email, any email. No, that email hasn’t come (you’ve never received an email), but at least your inbox looks different! That’s almost as good as receiving any message from literally anybody.
  2. Ask yourself if maybe the problem is fear: We’re accustomed to our inboxes looking a certain way. We depend on our inboxes looking a certain way. But maybe our biggest personal progress comes when we overcome our fear and step outside the (in)box to see the world in a different way.
  3. Eat comfort food. Macaroni and cheese helps with every situation!
  4. Remember that someday somebody might want to date you and then break up with you, and that will be a bigger deal than this. The idea that there’s some man out there who will be willing to date you before breaking your heart is so comforting!
  5. If you really can’t get over this update, you can always change the settings to make it look like old Gmail. This is a big hassle, obviously. Internet users should NOT be required to press extra buttons.

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