TO: Bing Team
FROM: Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella
SUBJECT: Branding Opportunity
Hey team! By now I’m sure you’ve seen the news about President Trump attacking Google for promoting “anti-Trump news” in its search results. Obviously we respect the work of our competitors in Mountain View, but this is also a marketing opportunity we can’t afford to pass up. With a solid 38% base we could finally bring Bing’s market share into the double digits!
We don’t even have to change the algorithm–– just add some savvy new branding to the homepage. Check out these slogans I came up with during my nightly ayahuasca trip and let me know what you think!
New Slogan Ideas:
- Bing: The Most Deplorable Search Engine!
- Bing: The Master Race of Search Engines!
- Bing: Now with More Confederate Monuments!
- Bing: What Are You, A Cuck?
- Bing (Feat. Pizzagate)
- Bing: Roseanne Was Framed
- Bing: Yes, We Have Porn
- Bing: Your Wife Won’t See Your White Supremacist Searches Here!
- Bing: Barack Obama is a Muslim!
- Bing: The only algorithm we use is the algo-rhythm method! (The only acceptable form of birth control, obvs.)
- Bing: We Know Where Hillary’s Emails Are
- Bing: Heil Search!