Tired of this whole life thing? Check out these fun ways to kill yourself.
The Meat Grinder
An all-inclusive 5-day trip to Maui. On day 5 you’ll eat our 100% kobe beef burger and then jump in a giant meat grinder. Filling. Effective. Ironic.
An all expenses paid three-day stay on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Feel better than everyone as you saunter up and down Park Ave before one of our agents pushes you in front of the 6 train at 5PM on a Tuesday. Die smugly knowing your electrified carcass will keep thousands of working-class peons from getting home after a long day on the job.
You and three friends will spend an unforgettable weekend paintballing in the Big Sur woods. On day 3, you’ll be wrapped in a giant plastic paintball and shoved off a redwood.
Too Cool For School
You and three friends will have an all-expenses-paid trip to the music festival of your choice. Once situated far from water sources and medical care you’ll be given a lethal dose of ecstasy!
Pack your bags and put ‘em in the trunk of your car. Get a cooler and fill it with food and drinks for the trip. Turn the key, stay in your garage.
The Old Fashioned
You drink and Old Fashioned and then you shoot yourself in the head.
The Drama Queen
Go on top of a tall building, get a lot of attention, act like you might not do it, and then jump.