Fellow parents, I don’t need to tell you that we live in turbulent times. Scouting isn’t as popular as it used to be, and now Monica is facing a test to her Pack Leadership unlike any faced by a modern American Den, Pack, or Cubmaster.
It’s not just that the Pine Wood Derby looms large. Or that the Pack is bitterly divide over Monica’s leadership as we enter the crucial popcorn selling season.
The true challenge facing Monica–– a challenge which dear Monica does not seem to fully comprehend–– is that many of the Pack Parents on this email chain have been working diligently from within to frustrate parts of her agenda, especially that terrible block party idea.
I should know. I am one of those parents.
To be clear, we are not part of the popular non-gendered nature scouts movement. We are committed Cub Scout parents: Den mothers and fathers who believe our first duty is to scouting, and that Monica continues to act in a manner that involves way too many doodle polls and Gcal invitations.
We know when the leadership meeting is, Monica. It’s the same time every week.
Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots in Monica’s near-ceaseless effort to make every Saturday a waking nightmare: She relaxed the dress code, reformed the way we order uniforms, and brought that vodka to the Webelos cookout.
But these successes have come despite–– not because of–– Monica’s leadership style, which is impetuous, adversarial, and uses far too many emojis.
From the Starbucks on Lake Street to the Yoga Studio on Harrison, parents all over Oak Park will privately admit their disbelief at their pack leader’s latest email–– adorned with all caps, fuchsia text, and size 24 comic sans font.
“There is literally no telling how many spreadsheets she might attach to a single reply,” a den parent complained to me recently, exasperated by what should have been a simple permission slip.
This erratic behavior would be true cause for alarm if not for the unsung heroes on this email chain–– men and women who are diligently working to gaslight Monica until she can’t trust anything we say or do. Eventually she’ll have a complete breakdown, go back to rehab in Florida, and we will all begin rebuilding the institutions Monica has so wantonly destroyed.
Given the instability many of us have witnessed, there were early whispers of invoking rule 29C, governing the removal of den or pack leaders. But doing so would almost certainly mean not being invited to Monica’s annual Christmas party (and say what you will about Monica, but missing that Christmas party would be a literal CRISIS.)
So instead those of us on the inside will continue to do what we can to ensure that the late-night Facebook messages and shared Google Docs are kept to a minimum.
Liz R. put it best her farewell email. Every pack parent should heed her words and break free of the backstabbing trap Monica has led us into. We need to come together and remember what really matters: Getting our kids to stop playing Fortnite for 90 minutes a week.
There is a quiet resistance within Pack 403, and our existence should give you comfort that there are still adults in the room. Adults with the courage to criticize Monica behind her back like the adults we are.
PS— Please please PLEASE don’t forward this to Monica. The last thing we need is to make her even more unhinged! LOL!!