How to Win at Monopoly in 5 Easy Steps


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  1. Buy the orange properties if you can, or like, whatever. This is a non-competitive game of Monopoly with your family and friends, so there’s no need to get too invested in it. However, a great trick is to buy the medium-priced properties!

Pro-tip: budget your money!

  1. Hey, you, feel free to throw a hotel on there! It’s totally okay that your brother Luke just put a monopoly on park place and it definitely isn’t reminding you of that time he never paid you back for Mexican food- this is a family game! Time to build up a shit ton of hotels, I guess!

Pro-tip: spend your time in between turns really marinating in all your family-based resentments

  1. Hire a real estate lawyer for property negotiations. So it looks like Uncle Mark is being a real B-word about the railroads, huh? No biggie! We’re not stressed out because this is just a board game! But for sure hire a real lawyer to be present for all property trading.

Pro-tip: keep that lawyer on retention, you deserve it!

  1. Go ahead and create a hostage situation with grandma. It’s not your fault that Mom won’t let you buy any more hotels because “you’re being crazy and this isn’t even fun anymore, Allen, she’s scaring me”. Until you’ve built a property empire, grandma can just say safe and sound in the guest bathroom.

Pro-tip: use the horse playing piece as a weapon to rob the Monopoly bank!

  1. Oh whoops! You flipped the board! No one can tell that you lost because, oopsie daisy, you flipped the board! Isn’t board game night so fun?

Pro-tip: personalized apology notes can be found at your local CVS!


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