To Whom It May Concern:
Firstly, I’m sorry. Secondly, it is with great enthusiasm and general anxiety, that I, a grown man with a heart murmur, submit my application for the Spring Internship at the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
As a graduate student and instructor in the field of Archaeology, I have developed strong research, writing, and communication skills. Additionally, my academic career, thus far, has fostered the necessarily low self-worth required to be a successful intern. That being said, please be nice to me, I’m a Cancer and take everything personally.
As a comedian and writer, I have performed in clubs and alternative venues* across the country** and have written for a number*** of humorous online publications. I also run a Twitter account dedicated to topical, monologue-style jokes, that is growing in popularity and has reached nearly 2,000 followers in just a few months.
I look forward to the opportunity to bring my strong work ethic and creativity to the Spring Internship program at The Tonight Show, and to telling my grandmother how nice Jimmy is in real life.
Thank you for your consideration of this inquiry. And again, I’m sorry.
* Bars that refuse to turn off Monday Night Football during the show
** The East Coast and a few times in LA
***That number is 2